22 March 2007

The Word of Wisdom: UNMASKED!!!

This week I have finally figured out why coffee is on the list and Dr. Pepper is not. It has nothing to do with caffeine content or tanic acid. Nothing whatsoever! Are you ready for this?

It's your breath! How can you attract someone and get married if you have stinky breath? You can't! Therefore, you shouldn't drink coffee!!!

My coffee-drinking coworkers all have the nastiest breath on the planet. It makes me cringe when I have to have conversations with some of them. Ugh! Somebody please cauterize my olefactory receptors before I have to go back to work tomorrow! Aaargh! I can't stand it any more!

Coworkers ==> coffee ==> bad breath
Me ==> Dr. Pepper ==> breath better than grandma's sweet apple pie

It's the truth. I'm going to reveal this tidbit of info next Fast and Testimony meeting.


playasinmar said...

"Somebody please cauterize my olefactory receptors..."

Someone notify Dr Crusher that First Admiral Dork has requested elective surgery. :P

My Best Is All I Have said...


salad said...

Dr. Pepper is my beverage of choice and I completely agree with your sentiments. coffee=death of the sense of smell.

Thanks for making me laugh!

SG said...

I've amazed myself at how long I've learned to hold my breath and nod and smile and act like I'm working when a co-worker comes into my office and talks to me after he's had a big cup of joe.

Non-coffee drinkers unite! We shouldn't have to live our lives like this. Can't someone invent coffee with Altoids built in?

Distinguishing Preoccupation said...

Not a big fan of Dr. Pepper, but I do like an occasional coffee. (They say you shouldn't confess your past transgressions -or current ones!)

BUT I couldn't agree more! Coffee breath is the worst smell ever! I had a computer teacher in high school that was practically blind and would have to lean into the monitor to see what you were working on. His breath would bounce off of the screen and right into your face. It was the worst smell ever... It smelled like coffee and rotten bologna. It's enough to make you never want either!


Samantha said...

I thought I was the only one who noticed the coffee halitosis. Good to know I'm not alone. I live in coffee central--they inject it into their veins. One of my seminary students mentioned that he likes the way the coffee aisle smells at the grocery store. All I can think about when I smell it is what it will become after ingestion. Gross, gross, gross!

Okay, I'm finished.