26 April 2007

Feels so good

Gym rat is how you used to be able to describe me. Two years ago I embarked on my ump-teenth endeavor at building a better body. I was 5'10" and about 155 pounds and something like 14% body fat at the time. None of that weight was muscle, just bone, flab, and my enormous cranium. I quite literally looked like a pregnant pencil - scrawny, but with a pronounced midsection. Not sexy. I used to be sexy a few years before that, but work and my commute got the best of me and I quit going to the gym.

So, I made a major commitment to myself to hit the gym more regularly than I ever had. I subscribed to Men's Health and got all the latest workout techniques. I set up a schedule, and I stuck to it. As I recall, when I first started my transformation program I was bench pressing a max of 115 pounds with 2 reps. Woo hoo!

One year later, after extreme diligence in my workout plan and my eating habits, I was weighing in at 165 pounds, but with 10% body fat, and benching 225 pounds for 4 reps. I looked good and I felt superb. I didn't have the six-pack I was hoping for - still a little pudginess in the midsection - but my arms looked good, my chest looked good, I had an overall good, healthy look to me. I was ready for the Abs Diet to pull off 10 pounds and expose my extremely sexy abs (or at least that's what the magazines tell me I have under the flab) to the world that summer.

Then the worst happened. I was helping somebody in the ward move, and somehow in the course of moving a large piece of furniture down a far too narrow stairway, I sprained my wrist. Sprains are the worst injury ever for me, because they don't like to heal. I once had a sprained ankle that took a year to fully recover. Well, a sprained wrist makes it really hard to lift weights, so I quit going to the gym. Along with that, I was getting extremely busy at work and the commute was getting to me again. My time evaporated, and with the injured wrist, I didn't make any effort to get back to the gym.

Now a year has passed. A couple of months ago I was in Hawaii, and therefore have a lot of pictures of me shirtless. Egads. I look terrible! I have lost all of the muscle gains that I had made prior to the wrist sprain. I couldn't believe it. I have reverted back to my pregnant pencil self. Unfortunately, with various things in my life I just haven't had the time to get back to the gym. Well, that's a lie. There's always time, I just haven't had the motivation to get myself back to the gym.

Enter my new awesome working conditions - part time from home. This was my first week working from home part time. Guess what I did today? Yep. I went to the gym for the first time in a year. I took it pretty easy, I hope, so that I won't be too sore tomorrow. I just did one set of exercises with three reps for each muscle group. I kept the weights fairly low to not overstress my joints or anything. But let me tell you that I had forgotten how much I love the endorphin rush of exercise. Wow! I feel so freaking awesome right now.

Moral of the story? None really. But, to any of MoHos out there feeling sad or depressed about something, let me recommend getting a buddy and going to the gym. It feels great and brightens your day.

25 April 2007

Single's Conference

I debated a lot of posting this because it gives the final clue as to who I am in real life (at least to people who already know me in real life). A few of you MoHos know, and that's cool. My parents and a few relatives know. A few friends know. I'm not 100% sure that I'm ready for the rest of the world to know just yet. So, as I sit here and write this I have no intention of pushing the "publish" button. If you are reading this that means I got super brave for a split second and threw caution to the wind. Damn the torpedoes! Of course, I always reserve the right to remove this post once I've posted it and realized that I really didn't want to.

This weekend is the grand Huntington Beach Mid-singles conference. And yes, I will be attending. I hate conferences, but I got roped into helping out with it. I guess the upside is that since I'm helping I don't have to pay to attend. Lucky me.

I have never been a fan of conferences. I can only remember one good youth conference that I went to as a teenager. I don't remember any other type of multi-day, non-General conference that I took kindly to. To me they are just so lame. This one is no exception. The people who spearheaded the whole effort are just annoying the crap out of everyone because they refuse to accept other people's inputs. They want to be the King and Queen of the conference. In fact, the King has anointed himself one of the keynote speakers at the sacrament service on Sunday.

I attend said Huntington Beach 1st ward. I refer to it as the Isle of Misfit Toys. Basically, it's all of the 30-40 year old singles in Huntington Beach all thrown together into one group, along with the smallest family ward in the stake. There are around 100 singles on the roll, and about 70 of us are active. There are a lot of great people there, but no one is getting married. There's a reason we are all still single at this age. For most of the girls it's due to some lack of self-care, or insanity. For the guys it's laziness, pickiness, and gayness. I'm fairly positive that there are at least 6 other gay guys in my ward. None that I know of for sure, but I have pretty darn good gaydar.

Anyway, this conference is supposed to have upwards of 800 people attending it. Imagine that. 800 (3:1 girls to guys) 30-something, single, sexually-repressed, overweight, unattractive Mormons all converging together to try and "make new friends." Oh, the torture! I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it. There are people from all over the country, Canada, Puerto Rico, Japan and New Zealand flying in to attend this conference. Yikes! Talk about desperate! They cut off registration for girls last week because the girl/guy ratio was so out of whack.

So, it's late I feel like this post is becoming less and less coherent, so I should stop soon. I just wanted to write something about the coming weekend which has the potential to be the best ever or one of the lamest ever.

I've got $10 on lame.

24 April 2007

Concert review: JET

I went and saw JET play at the House of Blues in Anaheim last night. It was a terrific show. The place was jam-packed and full of energy.

I saw these guys several months ago at the same venue. They were a little better then. The lead singer was a tiny bit hoarse last night, so he had to modify a few of the high notes on some of the songs. The previous show I saw, he hit every note as you hear it on the CD. But, even at that, they have great stage presence and kick-a$$ songs, so it was thoroughly enjoyable.

If you aren't familiar with them, they are basically a blend of AC/DC and The Beatles. The cool part about it is that with that sound, they attract a lot of older people to the shows. My date and I were sandwiched between a teenage couple and a couple of people that had to be in their late 50s.

The other cool thing about them is that they are big enough to play much larger venues and charge higher ticket prices, but they don't. They seem to be doing it for the love of music, which makes me respect them even more. Tickets were only $25, and in this area of the country with their popularity level they could have easily charged $45.

I'll tell you one thing, though, they aren't going to be winning any beauty contests any time soon. :P

5 out of 5 stars.

20 April 2007

License to Queer

I had a very interesting conversation with my mom a couple of weeks ago that I forgot to write about.

I was driving home from work on a Friday afternoon. She called to ask me some stuff about their upcoming trip down here to So Cal to visit me.

Let me back up a little. Since the big coming out experience, we haven't had another conversation about being gay. It was kind of like we talked about it, got it all in the open, and then nobody wanted to talk about it again. Well, in this particular phone call she decided that she wanted to talk a little more about it. And she said something that I never, ever thought to hear her say.

She told me that she and my dad had discussed it, and that no matter what I chose, getting married or finding a male life-partner, that they would be okay with that. They would be sad if I didn't get married, but they would still love and support me and my partner no matter what I chose for my earthly happiness.

I was awestruck. I could not believe that I was hearing those words coming out of the mouth of the turbo-Mormons that my parents are. I felt so much love from her that I was almost brought to tears - which is bad on So Cal freeways during rush hour.

So, at least from my family, I now have a License to Queer. I can truly say that from here on out, my decisions in life about my homosexuality are only about me and what I want for myself.

Colbert Report

The Colbert Report is hilarious. I don't watch it all that often, but when I do, I always laugh. I'm not sure if it just happens to be when I watch it, but he seems to mention Mormons a lot in the show. Any regular viewers out there that can answer that one way or the other?

Anyway, this little bit on President Hinckley and President Packer was a wee bit funny.



My parents have been in town this week to visit for spring break. They brought my youngest sister (the only child still at home) who is a senior in high school and her boyfriend.

For some strange reason, my mom will always have the view in her mind that we are all little kids. So, we all went to Disneyland yesterday. Mind you, D-land is still fun when you go with your fellow single friends at my age, but it felt a little odd being there with my parents. The upside was that they couldn't say no when I wanted a churro. I just bought one myself.

There were a billion people there from Utah. I saw so much BYU and U of U apparel that it almost made me sick. It must be spring break for most schools in Utah right now. That made me think of "Mormon Day" that they have there every year.

There were also a few gay couples that I saw during the day. That made me think of "Gay Day" that they have there every year.

Then I thought, wouldn't it be hilarious if there was some mixup and they scheduled Mormon Day and Gay Day on the same day? It would be Gay Mormon day and all of us MoHos could meet together and still feel out of place. =D

14 April 2007


This was supposed to be a series of posts, but it was turning into a novel. And if I'm going to write a novel I'm going to sell it, not give it away for free (except for free signed copies to my MoHo buddies). I condensed it down into one long-ish post. Hopefully it still gets my point across.

Abraham 3:25
And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.

Moses 1:39
For behold, this is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

In the beginning we were with God. We saw that He was perfect and had a tangible body. We were spirits. His spirit children. He taught us. He loved us. He interacted with us. At some tipping point, our Heavenly Father decided to offer us the opportunity to become like him. We could upgrade from the spirit beings that we were, to become an immortal, physical/spiritual being like we saw He was. We could be like Him and do what He did.

There is one important item to consider with this. He does not exist alone. He exists with his eternal wife. Husband and Wife. God and Goddess. In order to enjoy the eternal existence that They do, we have to be in the same condition - joined in the bonds of an eternal marriage of husband and wife. This is what Eternal Life is. This is how you come to know God.

Doctrine and Covenants 131:1-4
1 In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;
2 And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];
3 And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.
4 He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.

These verses raise a very interesting question. Is it possible that gay people can go to heaven and live with God for eternity? I would emphatically say that the answer is YES. Most of the gay people I've met in my life are incredibly wonderful people. They are usually more kind than the straight guys I know. They are more helpful, more forgiving, more loving, etc. They live more Christ-like lives than half the Mormon guys out there.

The Celestial Kingdom is not just about Mormons who have been married in the temple and sealed for eternity. According to verse 1 there are 3 communities within the Celestial Kingdom. Verse 4 clearly states that to continue increasing, which is to be like God, fathering spirit children and creating worlds for them to experience mortal life on, you have to enter the highest degree. That degree requires eternal marriage as defined in the scriptures and the Proclamation on the Family.

What about the other 2 communities? Verse 4 states that these communities are the "end of his kingdom," meaning that there is no eternal increase. You will father no spirit children. But, you are living in heaven, with God. You made it! You get to dwell in His presence forever. Could it be possible that this would include gay couples who have lived honorable and Christ-like lives? Absolutely. Will they be an eternal couple? No. The only way to continue on in a wedded state beyond this life is through temple marriage.

What do you want for eternity? Do you want to live in a heavenly state as described by all of the other Christian churches out there? I do believe that the 2nd and 3rd degrees of glory in the Celestial Kingdom can fit this description. I've believed for a very long time that most people are going to get exactly what they think they're going to get in the next life. If you want to live with God forever and be buddies in a brother/sister sense with everyone else, that is completely possible without subscribing to the Mormon set of beliefs. This is a gross generalization, but most Christian churches teach heaven to be something like that - you are you and you live with God forever.

I think that would be a pretty awesome condition. I can't find the quote, but we all are familiar with the statement (whether it be real or an urban legend) by the Prophet Joseph Smith where he said that if you could catch a glimpse into the beauty of the lowest degree of the Telestial Kingdom, you would kill yourself to get there - it's that much better than this world. Imagine that! That's how I feel when I eat good chips and salsa. Now consider that living in the presence of God in the Celestial Kingdom is infinitely more amazing than that, in the same way that the sun from our perspective is infinitely brighter than a star. I can't see how any of the other churches out there are letting down their people by teaching them to be good so they can live with God forever. It will be much more wonderful than any of them are expecting.

But what about eternal increase? What about becoming like God and doing what He does? What about the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom? You have to meet certain criteria to get there, and that is where the LDS church comes into play. The Priesthood was restored to the earth through the Prophet Joseph Smith, and that authority is carried by his successor Gordon B. Hinckley today. It is only through that authority that you can receive all of the ordinances that will enable you to enter into the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom. This path is not an easy one, but if you want eternal increase you must follow it.

That is what I want. That is the desire I have for myself. That is my goal. In my mind, there could be nothing worse than coming in 2nd place in the game of life. Why bother living a life full of rules and restrictions so that I can live with God, only to be denied that last little step? To me, that is Hell. To go so far, and just not quite make it all the way.

I choose to live a life that will allow me to not only live in God's presence, but to become like Him. It's really difficult, especially with the gay factor added in, but I desire that more than I desire anything else. I've had some horrible spots in my life where God reached down and picked me up and held me in His arms. I know He is there. I cannot deny that. I will do everything I can to submit my will to His so that I can become like Him. Like any child who truly loves their father, I have an insatiable drive to be like Him and do what He does.

That requires me to live the life I do. I want to be married the way God would have me, but I'm gay. So what do I do about it? I live my life as best I can as a single man, secure in the knowledge that one day marriage will happen. Be it in this life or the next, it will happen. My patriarchal blessing seems to indicate that it will happen in this life, and I hope that is the correct interpretation of it. But if not, then I'll just have to wait.

13 April 2007


Quote of the century:
The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year.


11 April 2007


In the nerd world known as World of Warcraft, there is an in-game chatting feature so you can communicate with the other people you collaborate with. There is a lot of shorthand that has developed through such avenues as this, along with Instant Messager, and various other chat programs. The shorthand 'brb' stands for 'be right back'. Meaning you are going away for a short period of time, but will return.

Don't worry, I haven't abandoned my blog (for the 3 or 4 of you that care). I'm just working on a very lengthy and in-depth series of posts that won't be done for several days. So if I don't post anything until then, rest assured that I haven't fallen off the planet. I will brb.

Maybe I'll just post random song lyrics until I return in full force.

10 April 2007

Don't Be Sad

I love this song. If any of you are at all into alt-country or folk, you MUST listen to Whiskeytown. I especially like the first verse. It rings so true to all of the crazy things that have gone on in my life.

(Don't Be Sad, by Whiskeytown)

Seen a lot of things we didn't wanna see
But I'm glad we did
I know a lot of times we fell out of line,
But we fell back in

I think we lost the keys to the kingdom,
Before we'd seen them
Don't be sad
Don't be sad

It took a lot time for us to find the words we'd mean
We spent a lot time before our dimes run out, nickel please

I think we lost the keys to the kingdom,
Before we'd seen them
Don't be sad
Don't be sad
Don't be sad
Don't be sad

'Cause we wont have to live this way forever
It's hard to compromise the things we have

Don't be sad
Don't be sad

Talk to one to have faith
Money can not erase

I think we lost the keys to the kingdom,
Before we'd seen them
Don't be sad
Don't be sad
Don't be sad

Talk to one to have faith
Money can not erase

09 April 2007

Why Am I Usually Happy?

Why am I usually happy?

This question goes through my head on a regular basis. Here's a few answers. Some may seem like duplicates of others, but that's because they probably are and I was just trying to make the list longer. :P

Why/When/How am I usually happy?

1 - Continued activity in the Church
2 - Paying attention and participating at Church
3 - Hanging out with friends rather than sitting at home
4 - Being a friend more often than just accepting friendship
5 - Lunch with my coworkers
6 - When my house is clean
7 - After a good game of World of Warcraft
8 - Driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the windows down, watching the waves roll in
9 - Doing my home teaching
10 - Making righteous choices
11 - Being an extrovert, even though I so desperately love being introverted
12 - Making other people laugh
13 - Going on 2 weeks of The Contest now, and because of that I feel the Spirit a lot more
14 - Paying my tithing
15 - Sleeping in
16 - Telling my parents/siblings that I love them
17 - Giving a blessing and knowing that I am worthy to do it
18 - Playing my drums/guitar
19 - Singing in the car (but not to sad songs)
20 - Mexican food
21 - Talking with a cute girl on the phone and setting up a date for this Tuesday :D
22 - Living my life and making choices that I know are in accordance with the Gospel, even as nonsensical as they sometimes seem
23 - Watching Heroes, 24, The Office, My Name is Earl, and Scrubs
24 - Listening to good music
25 - Ice cream sandwiches from Diddy Riese (mmmmmmmm)
26 - Going to the Temple (duh! this should be much higher on the list)
27 - Talking to my parents on the phone on Sunday afternoon
28 - Conversing through blogland with my fellow MoHos
29 - Diet Dr. Pepper, Chips and Salsa, and Popcorn
30 - Helping out my neighbor who is recovering from lukemia
31 - Serving in the EQ presidency
32 - Dreaming of my future children
33 - Taking a book down to the beach on Sunday afternoon after Church and reading while listening to the peacful sounds of the ocean
34 - Instant messaging with -L- on Saturday afternoon when I should be working
35 - Reading other MoHos success stories of overcoming trials and staying on the right path
36 - I love lamp
37 - I choose to be happy
38 - I let go of and don't dwell on a lot of things that would otherwise drag me down and make me sad
39 - Forgive easily and abundantly
40 - Take a deep breath before responding to not-so-kind comments from coworkers
41 - I use the "2 Ears 1 Mouth" rule and listen more than I talk
42 - Learning something new
43 - Giving someone else a good complement
44 - Having a successful meeting at work where nobody started whining or yelling at someone else; everything is kept civil
45 - Dropping down from full-time to part-time employment so that I can start my own business
46 - Submitting my income tax refund and knowing I don't have to fill that crap out for another year
47 - Goofing off
48 - Doing a good job at work and receiving a personal compliment from the big boss
49 - Thinking about the goofy stuff I saw in "Blades of Glory" over the weekend
50 - Light traffic and being able to drive home from work in less that 45 minutes today. WOOT!!!

(I hope to add some more to this when I'm not so freaking tired)

02 April 2007

Referring to yourself as a Mormon

Do you believe that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ?

If not, then you shouldn't call yourself a Mormon. If yes, move on.

If you believe that Joseph Smith had the First Vision, then you believe that he was called as the first prophet of this dispensation.

If not, then you shouldn't call yourself a Mormon. If yes, move on.

If you believe that he was the prophet that ushered in the Dispensation of the Fullness of Times, then you believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was organized under the power, authority, direction and approval of God.

If not, then you shouldn't call yourself a Mormon. If yes, move on.

If you believe the church was properly and authoritatively formed, then you believe in the succession of Priesthood Keys from one President of the Church to the next.

If not, then you shouldn't call yourself a Mormon. If yes, move on.

If you believe in the succession of prophetic authority, then you believe that Gordon B. Hinckley is every bit as much a Prophet, Seer and Revelator as was Joseph Smith, with all the keys, power and authority that God grants unto His Living Oracles.

If not, then you shouldn't call yourself a Mormon. If yes, move on.

If you've made it this far, then you must believe what President Hinckley teaches to be true. And not only what he teaches, but what he grants his approval on. He stood up at the end of conference and nodded his approval of all talks that were given. Therefore, everything that you heard (or will read in next month's Ensign) is God's will for us at this time.

What are some of the teachings of our Prophet, God's spokesman here on the earth, that you must therefore believe?
1) The unequivocal condemnation of gay marriage.
2) Abstinence from sexual intercourse outside of marriage.

If not, then you shouldn't call yourself a Mormon. I'm curious as to why some of the MoHos here in blogland refer to themselves as Mormons.