22 December 2009

A Letter

I received a letter (well, email) from an acquaintance I used to go to church with. We'll call him Mr. X. It is posted here for your entertainment.

Hey [Max],

It's [Mr. X]. How have you been?

Hey, I know this will catch you a little bit off guard, but I heard recently that you haven't been seen as often around HB1. Maybe you're seen more around another ward, but I just wanted to check in on you and see how you're doing. I did hear of an "announcement" that you made via email a while back, and to be honest, the details are neither here nor there with me. Really I just wanted to reach out to you as a friend and brother to invite you with all of my heart to come back (if you haven't been going) as I know our Heavenly Father and the Savior are well aware of you and love you. Of this I have no doubt.

I do not pretend by this email that you and I are best friends by any means, but we have known each other for many years, and I will say that I've always looked up to you with all of the talents that you've been given. You blessed our Priesthood meetings week after week by playing inspiring hymns to start out those meetings, and I only wish I had those talents to do the same, but I do not have them at this point, and that was where you with your abilities were able to bless the kingdom, among various other areas of service you rendered. I also know that you have a testimony of the gospel.

[Max], for what it's worth, I want you to know that I know that the Savior lives. His hand is outstretched still. I have felt that power in my life when I have fallen short. The Atonement is for us, who don't always quite live up to our capabilities. I know that He is the Head of the Church and that he directs it through his Holy Prophets. The Spirit testifies this to me. The Book of Mormon was indeed written for our time. This is especially apparent to me as I read the book of Helaman through 3rd Nephi 11, which can parallel our world current events and/or preparation for the 2nd Coming.

For some reason, and I don't know why, as I have now left HB, you have been on my mind lately and really have felt that I've needed to write you this message, and felt I needed to act on these promptings. I pray that it will be taken in the right Spirit and with the feeling of tenderness from a brother who knows of the goodness that you have.

I hope to talk to you soon and wish you God speed in everything you do.

Your friend,

[Mr. X]

I just kind of sighed as I read it. I'm not sure if I'm going to respond or not. I really don't feel a great urge to.

Since I know this person quite well (we went to church together for several years and served in an Elder's Quorum Presidency together for about a year), I can see the undertones. I know his personality. I know how he talks in church. There are some underlying things in here that I know are going through his head based on what he wrote and what I have known him to be like in the past.

One thing I find ironic about this letter, and the general way that many Mormons seem to react to inactive/ex members is they always claim how much they love you, yet find a way to be very condescending in their message. His statement "...who don't always quite live up to our capabilities" made me scratch my head a bit. How does he know whether or not I'm living up to my capabilities? I think I am. And the statement about me falling short. That's not judgmental at all, right?

My favorite part is when he dismisses my coming out of the closet as an "announcement", using the quotation marks. Classy.

It was also nice to find out that my most memorable contribution to the ward over years and years of service (and serving with him in an EQP) was playing the hymns for priesthood meeting. Really, Mr. X? That's all you can come up with? I did a whole lot more than that over the years, especially when I picked up all the slack you left in the EQP.

And he "knows of the goodness that [I] have." It seems that I've gotten rid of all my goodness and am only exuding badness these days. Well, I was in the No on 8 camp, so obviously I am hell-bent on the destruction of America, the family and freedom of religion.

Mr. X, do you really think that a preachy email is going to inspire me to go back to church? It was a lame attempt. But, I will gladly accept your wish of "God speed in everything [I] do" as I fight for civil equality for all Americans.

17 November 2009

A Little More Thought

I have put a little more thought into the transpirings in SLC last week with the church supporting a few limited gay rights. I wanted to briefly expound a little on some of my previous comments.

I think that generally, the church is pulling a thinly-veiled PR stunt. They are just trying to save some face. 99% of the GA's doesn't give a shit about you as a gay person. It's an attempt to build up some ammo for future confrontations they will have with the gay community over the marriage issue - "Oh look, we love gay people, we support their rights!" They are going to continue to fight tooth and nail against us in our quest for equal treatment under the law.

I was delighted to see Elder Holland's comment last Thursday. I met him and had a good, long conversation with him once while I was on my mission. I don't expect anyone else to take my word for it, but from that experience I do think that he really is as sincere and genuine as he appears to be.

His comment on Thursday does not change what the leaders are generally trying to do, but it does show me one thing. It shows me that there is one person in the leadership who is beginning to open their mind. I doubt that he's on board for gay marriage at this point, but I do see him as a compassionate person who may help to temper some of the ire from the general leadership over this issue.

I do not view the announcement by Otterson at the SLC council meeting as a baby step, but I do view Holland's statement as that.

The problem with the church lately is that rather than making progress through the "2 steps forward, 1 step back" shtick, they seem to be doing the "1 step forward, 2 steps back" routine which will ultimately end in a negative accrual of steps.

15 November 2009

For Next Summer

It's time to put a little thought into vacations for next year, especially if they are going to happen in the first half of the year.

D and I are planning on going to Gay Days at Disney World Orlando the first weekend of June. Maybe we'll see you there!

12 November 2009

Baby Steps Legitimized

WOW! Did you guys see this today? From the SLTrib:

"Anything good is shareable," Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said in an interview Wednesday, referring to Salt Lake City's new policy aimed at protecting gay and transgender residents from discrimination.

He praised the efforts of Mormon officials and gay-rights leaders who sat down to discuss the issue before the church's endorsement.

"Everybody ought to have the freedom to frame the statutes the way they want," he said. "But at least the process and the good will and working at it, certainly that could be modeled anywhere and even elements of the statute."

That is a statement that I can welcome as sincere and legit. And it came from someone in the Q12. Kudos, Elder Holland. Tip o' the hat to ya.

Holland is the new Hugh B Brown. ;)

29 September 2009

For Immediate Release

Alternative Conference set for Oct. 3-4

The Official Gay Agenda
Tuesday, Sep. 29, 2009

The 12th Annual Alternative Conference of the Latter-gay church, to which all members are invited, will convene at the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim, California, on Saturday and Sunday, Oct. 3 and 4, 2009, with general sessions held at Disneyland on Saturday at 8 a.m. and California Adventure on Sunday at 10 a.m. Pacific Standard Time.

A special pre-Conference Pride Cocktail hour will be held on Friday, Oct. 2, 2009, at 5 p.m. PST at the Grand Californian Hotel.

In those areas where members of the church can conveniently attend the conference in Anaheim, or participate via radio, television, satellite or Internet transmission at www.gaydaysanaheim.com, they should be encouraged to do so. Under these circumstances the usual Sunday meetings need not be held on Oct. 4.

In areas where only one Sunday session is broadcast, local leaders have the option to adjust meeting schedules or, where appropriate, to rearrange the agenda of regularly scheduled meetings to permit their members to listen to or watch alternative conference by radio, television, satellite or Internet transmission

25 September 2009

L.A. AIDS Walk 2009

So, this year D and I are attending the L.A. AIDS Walk. He took the lead at his company for getting walkers and sponsors. I'm proud of him. He's done a good job so far, given the fact that half the people he works with are Mormon. So, please, help us out by clicking the link on the right column of this page and donating a little bit to the cause. It's in 3 weeks (Oct 18th), so don't dawdle!

I was talking about the AIDS walk with some of my coworkers (as my company also has a group doing the walk). They all know that I was raised Mormon, so there have been several interesting conversations arise from that. This was no exception. I was asked what most Mormon's opinions of AIDS was.

I sat there for a bit, and thought back to all the things I had heard about AIDS as I grew up in Utah. And, I shamefully had to admit, that most Mormons (that I knew in Utah and those that I know locally, not necessarily the entire church, but a pretty good sample) thought of AIDS as a just punishment for the dirty, nasty homosexuals out there. If the dirty homosexuals wouldn't have started f***ing monkeys in Africa, then God wouldn't have punished humanity with this disease. Honestly, that is the perception of AIDS that I grew up with in Utah.

I posted the link for donations on Facebook. Most of my friends on FB are Mormon, so I don't really expect any to donate. I hope I'm proven wrong.

17 September 2009

Gay General Conference

So, the weekend of General Conference has an, um, alternative choice. You can call it a Gay General Conference of sorts. The rest of us call it Gay Days at Disneyland.

It's ironic that the event is always held the first weekend in October, the same weekend as General Conference. I guess it's a blessing to the Mormon families that their children won't witness homosexuality at large, since they will all be home or at the stake centers watching all sessions of conference.

If any of you are going to be in town, or want to come down for the gay version of General Conference, D and I will be going (and probably going both days). Drop me a line and we can caravan to it as a big gaggle of fags. If you want to come in from out of town, we could probably host you in our spare bedroom.

Hope to see you there!

16 September 2009

Great Quote

I've been conversing with a friend of mine about being gay and Mormon. She left the church last year over the Prop 8 issue, and really has some bitter feelings about it. She is also straight, married and has 3 kids. BUT, she has a gay cousin who is her ultra-super-mega BFF (hence her bitterness at Prop 8).

In explaining her contempt for the church over it's stance on gay issues, she brought up that when she was a teenager she heard Vaughn Featherstone speak at a youth conference she attended. His comment was "homosexuality is a thought-up thing."

I love the ignorance of the church leaders some times.


27 August 2009

So Busy!

I haven't written for a while. I'm going to chalk it up to being super busy. Although, with as much activity as I put into Facebook, all of you who are friends with me are going to call my bluff. I guess my blog has been a little "out of sight, out of mind" lately.

I have nothing really gay to write about tonight, I just am letting you all know that I sold my home ... and I made a killing on it! I bought back in Jan 2002, just as the So Cal housing boom was taking off. The value of my place peaked at about double what I paid for it. Since then, it has lost some of that "value" but I'm still selling it for a large profit. Not bad. Not bad at all!

Some of you may balk at me for selling at the "bottom" of the market. Well, things in So Cal are not like things in the rest of the country. Studying the So Cal real estate market is quite a passion of mine. In a nutshell, most parts of the country may have seen corrections (and over-corrections) in home values to the point where they have achieved decent stability and shouldn't really go much lower. BUT, So Cal (Orange County especially) is still waaaaaaaaaay overpriced on the high end. The low-end housing is actually in an affordable price range, but really, who wants to live in the slums of Santa Ana or further inland where it is ugly, dirty and a brazillion degrees during the summer? Anyway, prices will drop a lot more until things are in a reasonable price range that people can reasonably afford.

So, D and I are moving over Labor Day weekend to a brand new apartment complex in Irvine. It's pretty sweet, and I'm pretty excited to take a break from homeownership (but not a break from homo) and be able to call the maintenance guy to come fix crap when it breaks. We also have a community garden in it, so I can do some real gardening (unlike the somewhat pathetic patio gardening I've been trying to do this year).

Anyone want to come party it up over Labor Day weekend? You can help move stuff on Saturday, and then we'll go to the gay beach in Laguna Beach on Sunday and Monday. Bring your speedo!

04 August 2009

Follow Up

Unsurprisingly, the folks at samesexattraction.org caught wind of the last blog post of mine and promptly edited their website to no longer reference my blog.

Fortunately, the magic of the internet is preserved in cached pages from google.

31 July 2009

Overcoming Same-Sex Attraction

Let me start this post by saying this, "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!"

The reason why I am laughing is probably because I am delirious from working approximately 17 hours today. But the thing that originally drove me into the maniacal laughter was the irony of a certain website having a link to my blog.

Who knows, by the time you read this I may not be linked on there any more. But, as I checked the traffic on my blog today, I saw that one person had entered my blog via a link from the site www.samesexattraction.org. Notably, from the page entitled "Do people really overcome same-sex attraction?"

It appears that some time ago, my blog was referred to as a place to go to read about someone who had overcome their same-sex attraction. And that made me ask myself, "Have I overcome my same-sex attraction?"

I would say that yes, I have overcome my same-sex attraction, but probably not in the way that website is referring to the word "overcome". I have overcome it in the sense that:
- I no longer look on it as a burden
- I no longer look on it as something to loathe
- I no longer see it as a stumblingblock to living my life
- I no longer see it as something to be ashamed of
- I no longer see it as something I have to diminish or suppress
- I no longer stress over it
- I no longer see it as something that will keep me from having my own family in this life
- I no longer see it as evil and filthy
- I no longer see it as destructive
- I no longer see it as a hurdle to a completely satisfying relationship
- I no longer see it as a fog, obscuring me from feeling the warmth of love

Yes, I have indeed overcome the dark side of same-sex attraction.

20 July 2009

The Boom Boom Room

The Boom Boom Room was a landmark gay club in Laguna Beach, CA. It closed a couple of years ago due to being sold. The new owner had plans to tear it down and build a boutique hotel. But, up to this point it has just sat vacant, and thanks to the crappy economy appears to be up for sale again.

You have to understand gay history here in So Cal a little before I go on. Orange County is NOT gay friendly by any stretch of the imagination. This is where the crux of the Yes on 8 people came from. It's where all the crazy televangelists come from. It was spoken of with disdain in the movie Milk:

ANNE KRONENBERG: Not great. State Senator John Briggs is Anita Bryant's go-to guy in California for sure. He's filed his petition for a statewide referendum to fire all gay teachers and anyone who supports them.

[A pall falls over the room. This is worse than expected.]

HARVEY MILK: How many signatures will he need to qualify for the ballot?

CLEVE JONES: Whatever. He can get them in two Sundays at church in Orange-f***ing-County.

Being gay in O.C. is not all that great, except for in one place: Laguna Beach. It was established as an artist's community, and drew a lot of gays early on. It has always been a haven of sorts for the gay community of O.C. who don't want to travel up to West Hollywood. It was home to the first openly gay mayor in the US. It's quaint. It's artistic. It has a great gay beach. And for decades, the club scene in Laguna Beach was served by the Boom Boom Room.

D and I met a guy who spearheaded the effort to save the Boom Boom Room. He had someone follow him around with a video camera and record a documentary about it. It's been shown at quite a few film festivals around the world. It's not a high quality film, but it is a high quality story. We got the chance to see it at it's premiere showing in Laguna Beach last week. It was great. If you have some time and want to see the documentary, go to savetheboom.com and click on the video links on the left hand side of the page. It's excerpts from the full documentary.

And, if you happen to know anyone with $10-12 million that wants to buy a large, beachfront property in Laguna Beach, D and I will be happy to reopen and manage the Boom Boom Room and adjacent hotel for you. :)

View Larger Map

After the film, we got to meet some of the local gay crowd from Laguna Beach. It was crazy. There were 8 of us that went to dinner, and 4 of us were raised Mormon. I swear there's a gay gene floating through the Mormon veins. I need to write another blog about that experience. Hopefully I remember to later this week.

08 July 2009

Q and A

Q: What do you do when your mom and all of your aunts send you friend requests on Facebook?


29 June 2009

Belief-O-Matic Quiz

I read Abelard's post on the Belief-O-Matic quiz and thought that I would give it a go. Here are my results:

1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (75%)
3. Liberal Quakers (74%)
4. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (72%)
5. Unitarian Universalism (72%)
6. Baha'i Faith (67%)
7. Jehovah's Witness (65%)
8. Orthodox Quaker (62%)
9. Reform Judaism (58%)
10. Mahayana Buddhism (57%)
11. Neo-Pagan (57%)
12. Theravada Buddhism (56%)
13. Sikhism (55%)
14. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (53%)
15. New Age (52%)
16. Eastern Orthodox (50%)
17. Roman Catholic (50%)
18. Seventh Day Adventist (49%)
19. Orthodox Judaism (46%)
20. Jainism (43%)
21. Hinduism (42%)
22. New Thought (41%)
23. Secular Humanism (38%)
24. Taoism (37%)
25. Islam (34%)
26. Scientology (33%)
27. Nontheist (20%)

I would like to see the criteria that they use to give you the percentage results from your quiz. Some of the questions had answers that I thought were pretty close to identical. Other questions I read the answers and partially agreed with a few of the answers, but not fully with any of them. As such, the results are only as accurate as the inputs you give them. As we say in the engineering world "garbage in, garbage out."

All in all, I guess that my experiences and evolution over the last few years have altered my views on some theological points.

23 June 2009

Didn't Expect That One

Wow! I did NOT expect the question that was asked of me today, and therefore didn't have an answer for it. It made me think all afternoon, and I still haven't come to a complete answer yet.

The person who asked me the question is a coworker of mine who is a lesbian. She and her partner worked the company booth at LA Pride with D and I last week. I hadn't talked with her very much before then. But, after two hours in the booth, chatting in between visitors, I got to know her a bit more. She is a pretty interesting person. I'll call her Consuela.

Today was my monthly lunch outing with one of the other guys from the work GLBT group. I'll call him Steve. Consuela had mentioned to me that she'd like to go out to lunch sometime to chat some more, so I invited her to come with Steve and I today. We spent an hour and a half (oops) eating and chatting at Chipotle (mmmmmm, so tasty...) and enjoying each other's company.

Well, apparently between our time in the booth last weekend and lunch today, Consuela deemed me to be a pretty decent person, because here is the question she asked me later in the afternoon on Facebook: "I was wondering if you ever thought of being a donor?"

What? Like a kidney or bone marrow?



So, would I ever be a sperm donor for a lesbian couple?

First of all, I was extremely flattered that I was even asked that question. Apparently I am charming to all women, straight and lesbian. ;) Then, after I got over my flatteredness (?) I started thinking about it. And thinking hard.

On the one hand, at this point in my life I probably won't be able to father my own kids. Obviously, D does not have the biology conducive to something like that. And, as we have researched donor eggs and surrogate mothers, we have found that it is out of our financial powers - unless there is some majorly wealthy moho benefactor out there who wants to pitch in $150k. Any takers? So, in order for me to pass along these fabulous genetics of mine, it seems that sperm donor is about the only realistic avenue.

On the other hand, I don't know if I could live with the thought of knowing I had a son/daughter of my own flesh and blood out there who wasn't a part of my life. Maybe I would have visiting rights, but for legal reasons I would probably have to sign away my parental rights.

Would if they turned out to be lousy parents, and I had no rights and could only sit back and watch disaster fall upon my only offspring? Then again, would if they turned out to be wonderful parents and I was able to be involved in the child's life?

So many thoughts are racing through my head over this one.

What do you guys/gals think? I'm open to thoughts/concerns from all sides of the spectrum.

22 June 2009

Gay Parenting Article

I found this article to be an interesting Father's Day tribute, and thought I'd share it with you all. I think I caught the link on someone's blog, but I can't remember who. Sorry for the plagiarized link, whoever you are. :)


The last two stories in it are about gay Mormons - one in a M.O.M. and the other divorced.

21 June 2009

Judge Mental

I've gone through some of my old entries, and boy are there some doozies! It makes me sit back and think about where I was back then, why I wrote the way I did, and what my status is with some of those things now. It makes me ponder what life lessons I have learned through everything.

I would have to say that probably the biggest life lesson that I have learned since finding the gay Mormon blogosphere, coming out to my family and friends, struggling with the anger and angst of being a gay Mormon, and finally entering into a wonderful relationship with the man of my dreams, is the lesson of not being judgmental.

I would dare say that when I started down this road, I was one of the most judgmental people on the planet. I would say that I even had the distinction of earning the title Judge Mental. Seriously. I was a nut case. I was more than willing, happy and eager to point out all of the flaws that I saw in everyone who wasn't the outstanding, upright Mormon that I was. I even ruined a few potentially good friendships because of this, most notably with Elbow (if you ever read this, Elbow, I am publicly apologizing for the twit that I was to you).

But, now that I'm on the other side of the tunnel and am in a much happier and peaceful place, I can see my errors. And, I now have a much greater ability to see people who are in the angry, angsty (and oft times offensive) state that I was in a few years ago, and I don't get irritated with them. I feel compassion for them. It doesn't bother me when they make judgments on me and spew their venom. I understand them. I know where they are coming from. And I feel for the them and the pain they are feeling inside.

I would just implore all you mohos out there to not be judgmental of other mohos and the choices they make for their lives. Everyone is different. Everyone has a different path to walk. Just because someone's path may be different than yours doesn't mean that they aren't doing what God wants them to do with their life.

16 June 2009

Another Parade

So, D and I went to the LA Pride parade and festival this past weekend. In fact, the company I work for is a big supporter of GLBT rights, and we marched in the parade. Our presentation wasn't a fancy float or anything, it was just a bunch of my coworkers holding our company banner, handing out beads to the crowd, and being followed by a hot red convertible 2009 Mustang with company posters (stating that we offer full partner and gay marriage benefits) on the sides and D and I riding in the back, waving.

And yes, I have to admit that the two of us riding in there, side by side and holding a flag was hot. Super hot. So hot, in fact, that people were taking pictures of us non-stop on the parade route. Had we not been in the car, there probably would have been a grand total of about 3 pictures taken of my companies conservative presentation. D even had a few people run up out of the crowd to smack him on the butt. It was tons o' fun. Oh yeah, and there were so many hotties out and about. My favorite was the pirate ship with all the pirates in speedos. :D

There is also a huge local Latino GLBT support group called Bienestar. They had two huge floats and probably 150 people marching. The first float was called "Amazonas", and it seemed to mostly consist of drag queens and transgendered individuals dressed as Amazon warriors. They were in the parade staging area next to us, so we got to enjoy them for a couple of hours. Two of the drag queens really took a liking to D and myself, and insisted on taking pictures "con las papis." It was a hoot! :D

After the parade we went to the festival grounds to check it out. It was pretty fun. We saw a lot of strange people. A LOT of strange people. And I came to understand why most of the "normal" gays that I know around here say they don't like going to the pride festival. It's a little out there. Haha!

Anyway, the guy that makes the shirtless Mormon missionary calendars was there, and we visited with him for a little while. I can't wait for the new one to come out! :D

We also manned the recruiting booth for my company (job recruiting, not gay recruiting) and met lots of interesting people. One of the guys we met is the guy who founded californiansagainsthate.com. He was very interesting to talk to. He was very interested to talk to us as well, since we were raised LDS and have since chosen an alternate path. In fact, we're going to have dinner with him sometime next month to talk about things. I'll let you know how that goes.

We also met a guy and his husband who had a really sad story. I'll refer to them as the tall one and the short one. The tall one grew up LDS, got married, had a couple kids, and couldn't hack it being in a mixed-orientation marriage. So, he got divorced and had been partnered/married for 17 years now with the short one. The tall one's kids had been really close with him and the short one, so much so that the short one referred to the kids as "our kids". The oldest daughter had even come to live with them for a couple years when she was 18. Well, the fiasco that was Prop 8, destroyed their family ties. That same daughter who had grown up knowing them, and living with them for a time sent them a letter during the Prop 8 ordeal last fall denouncing their relationship as satanic and severing all ties with them. They used to be very involved in the lives of their grandchildren, and now they have a new baby granddaughter that they have never met and have been told they never will. How horrible is that? And here they are just devastated over the fact that the LDS church preaches the importance of families, and then through their political actions are tearing non-standard ones apart. I felt so sorry for them. It just makes me so mad to think of the things that get done in the name of "righteousness" in the Mormon community.

All in all it was a really fun time. If I remember to, I'll get the picture of the hot speedo pirates that I took with D's camera and update this post with it (just for you O-Mo). ;)

The only VW I have ever liked:

Balloons (Great angle on that shot, D!):

D and myself:

And who doesn't love a Disco Ball Pinto!?!?

Las Amazonas:

The only Amazona worth looking at:

Don't forget gay masked wrestling:


Pirates afoot!!

I'm not sure what was going on here, but it was so disturbing I had to post it:

28 May 2009


The best chant that I heard someone yell out at the rally the other night:

Two, four, six, eight
Are you sure your husband's straight?

26 May 2009

Gay Marriage Rally

As you've all heard by now, the California Supreme Court ruling on Prop 8 came out today. The proposition was upheld, but so were the 18,000 marriages performed in the window while it was legal.

There were protest rallys all over the state tonight. D and I went to the rally for Orange County at the Old Orange County Courthouse in Santa Ana. It was pretty great. I guesstimate that there were around 500-600 people there in support of gay marriage, and about 3 oddballs holding signs against it and telling us we were all going to hell.

We listened to a few speakers and then marched from the courthouse to a gathering spot at the other end of the county buildings referred to as the Circle of Flags (or Circle of Fags as I affectionately refer to it). We listened to a few more people talk about it there, raised our voices to join in some chants, and then we all marched back to the courthouse.

It was a good time. It made me proud to be part of something democratic that's changing history.

For the most part, the people who spoke were great to listen to. Unfortunately, the main organizer woman that did most of the talking was not that great. In fact, she was horrible at it - but you could tell that she thought she was great. It's sad. I give her a ton of credit and love for the work she is doing, but she just wasn't all that great behind the microphone. I hope they take my anonymous email well and find someone else to do the speaking. I mean, hey, even Moses had someone to speak for him since he wasn't very good at it. On the other hand, the minister from the Unitarian church that spoke was fantastic. Extremely motivational. I loved listening to him.

They introduced several churches located in Orange County that are very much gay rights and gay marriage advocates. I wonder if these groups will play a larger role in the next ballot initiative that tries to legalize gay marriage. The movement definitely needs better and more cohesive leadership in order to succeed.

All in all, it was a fun evening (followed up going to Lucille's BBQ for dinner).

BTW: D and I happen to be in the picture at the top of this. Time to play "Where's Waldo". Credit for the photo goes to the Orange County Register.

22 May 2009


So, two posts ago when I talked about my relationship with D, I had about 70 hits per day for 4 days. With my last post about going to the Long Beach Pride Parade, I had 16 hits.

I also noticed that my blog is no longer linked from Northern Lights. No room for sinners at the table, eh? *shrug*

A tip of the hat to those of you who are interested enough to have me in your reader, and/or are genuine enough to respect my decision to pursue my relationship with D.

19 May 2009

My First Parade

This past weekend was the Long Beach Pride Festival. It was the first time since I came out that I felt like attending. So, on Sunday D-train and I went to the parade to see what it was all about.

One of the reasons I haven't attended before was that I was scared of it. I was frightened of all the booze, drugs and public sex that was sure to be happening. And me with my puritanical roots couldn't handle such human depravity. But, my curiosity got the better of me this year and I talked D into going to it (although at the mention of the possibility of seeing cute boys, it didn't take much persuasive talk).

The parade was fun. It was harmless. There was no nudity (although quite a few cute, shirtless boys). No drugs. And very few people were drinking (it was at 10:30 in the morning, so it was mostly people cradling their Starbucks). I was surprised at the number of straight families with kids that were there to watch. I was equally surprised at the high number of normal looking people that were there. There were plenty of queeny ones to go around, but I'd say that the majority looked pretty much just like D and myself (although, for the most part not as dashingly handsome as either of us).

We both agreed that the tranny's were our favorite (Miss Lola was gorgeous! And Ongina from RuPaul's Drag Race was there too!). Honestly, years ago I was kind of creeped out by them, but at this point in my life I can look at them with respect at how comfortable with themselves they are. They are some of the few people in the world who are truly comfortable in their own skin.

But perhaps the most surprising thing to both of us was the sheer number of gay latino and black people there were. I'd venture to guess that at the Long Beach parade (at least where we were standing on the route) our latino brothers were the majority.

In a few weeks I get to march in the LA Pride parade. My employer is one of the corporate sponsors, and I'm in the GLBTA club, so I get to participate as a corporate representative. I'm pretty excited about that.

25 March 2009

A Periodic Update

Just thought I would post a little bit of an update here for my enormous fanbase. :P

I think that it's time to drop the mask. Good heavens, the problem with spending 34 years in the closet is that once you start coming out you still have the habits of covering your tracks to make yourself look like the perfect Mormon boy that you've so successfully portrayed in the past. And even in the anonymous blog world, you find yourself covering up many of the truths about yourself and what you are experiencing, all for the good of saving face. The absurdity of it all...

I struggled a lot - a lot - over the last couple of years. Mostly with how to reconcile my 3 decades of religious indoctrination with my newly accepted gay self. I made some mistakes. I hooked up with people when I shouldn't have. I took things too far with some. I went to my bishop, spilled the beans and tried to get "back on track".

Then it happened. I met the perfect person. The one who I had been waiting for (unknowingly, since I was going on 35 years of feigning straightness) all my life. We met a year ago this month. Our first live meeting was with a couple of other MoHos for dinner. The instant I saw him I fell in love. He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen - and I've looked at a lot of porn in my day. ;)

We began hanging out and became the best of friends. I was torn. I was conflicted. I loved him, but I was still trying to reconcile the whole church thing. Then last fall, both of his roommates moved away and he needed a place to live. He asked if he could come live with me ... and I said yes.

Since that time, it has been amazing. We just fit together perfectly as a couple. We have plenty in common so that we enjoy doing all sorts of things together (yay Disneyland!), and we have enough differences so that we can sometimes go do our own thing and not get bored of being together all the time. I'm still excited every day to see him after work. We've started talking about making it permanent - and the twins that we need to find an egg donor and surrogate mother for. :)

Where does this leave me with the church? I still believe the core doctrines. I also believe that we don't understand the smallest fraction of what's on God's mind about everything ... especially homosexuality. I honestly hope that someday the church will at least accept gay couples into full membership, even if gay sealings don't ever happen. At the moment, though, I haven't divulged all of this to my bishop yet. I'm not sure that I will for a while. The fallout will be tough. It's hard knowing that excommunication will most likely be coming my way. I'll be missing a lot. I'm sad that I can't stand in the circle to bless my new baby niece that was born last week. But, I look at all of that and also know that I can not go back to the lonely, depressed, desperate person that I was before, looking for hookups in the shadows of Saturday night and feigning righteousness in the pews on Sunday morning. And I just can't accept the deprecation of gay people that goes on every single effing week at church. God loves all his children, not just the ones that fit the perfect Mormon mold.

That's it for this update. See you soon.