27 March 2007

The Easy Let-down

Here's the email I sent to my friend from yesterday's post.

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xxxxx,

Thanks again for dinner last night. You are too kind. I need to fill you in on a little additional info. I really like you. You are a generous, friendly and good-looking guy. Even though we don't know each other all that well, I want you to realize the trust that I put in you by letting you know last night that I was gay. Like I said, I only came out to my parents a few weeks ago. There are only a handful of people on this planet who know. It's just not something that I've ever been really comfortable talking about in the past. I would hope that you respect that confidence that I placed in you by telling you last night.

I need to explain a little more about what it means to be Mormon and gay. It's not at all easy. My beliefs, my faith, teach me about what the true purpose of this life is. We lived before we were born on this earth. God is the Father and Creator of our spirits. We lived with him and interacted with him just like children do with their parents here on this earth. In time, we recognized that we wanted to be like him, and he gave us that opportunity. Just as Jesus had after the resurrection, God has a body of flesh and bone. It's perfected and immortal, unlike the mortal flesh that we have. He presented a plan to us whereby we would be able to come to earth, gain a body, experience mortal life, and then return to live with him in the same state that he was in. The purpose of this life is to become more like our Heavenly Father.

Part of this plan involves the creation of families here on the earth. A man and a woman get married and raise children. They are participating with God in the miracle of creation by having children. The family unit is the key point to God's plan. In order for us to to obtain our full potential to be more like God, it's requisite that we create our own family unit (in the traditional definition) - husband, wife, children.

This is where the difficulties come with being gay. The natural side of me has inclinations towards other men. On the other hand, my spiritual side has inclinations towards having a family in the traditional manner. So which do I choose? It's been a tough debate my entire life, but over time I came to the decision that what I wanted most out of this life is spiritual peace - the knowledge that I'm doing what will be good for me beyond this mortal existance. I chose to not live the gay lifestyle. I chose to keep on searching for a special girl to marry and raise a family with. I chose the path that most people in this world would call crazy and illogical. But that's what I chose. I'll be honest, the debate still rages on inside of my head, but I always come back to the decision that I made originally as being the best one for me.

So, what's my point in all of this? Well, I go back to last night when you gave me the hug goodnight and kissed me on the neck. I'll be honest, part of me wanted a whole lot more. But based on the choices I have made, I don't want our friendship to become romantic - which I think it easily could, at least from my perspective. I want to be your friend. You're a great guy. But I don't want it to go beyond that. Maybe I'm just an idiot and reading too much into your gesture last night. If so, I am embarrassed and apologize and you can feel free to call me an idiot. I just wanted you to understand where I'm coming from and the life choices I have made.

me

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I hope he takes it well. I would hate to crush him. But, I thought it more important to make sure that I stick with my choices and work out my own salvation than to keep on going with something that might get me in trouble.

16 comments:

MoHoHawaii said...

That was a very kind letter... you paid him a compliment by saying that the attraction was mutual. I think he will appreciate that you were upfront about the limitations of your situation. Maybe you can be friends with him. He sounds nice.

John Galt said...

Max. I haven't read your blog before today. I don't know what you know about me but your "is this my abraham test?" cry for help sounds very familiar. I gave up my Isaac. And no Angel spared the knife.

I like what I've read so far. Thanks for sharing. We sound very similar in many ways.

As for being friends with this gay co-worker... it's just not worth it. Curiosity and an over-dose of sexual appetite can crush any resolve you may have.

I'll keep reading.

JG

iwonder said...

I disagree with john galt. It think it would be ill-advised to simply stop being his friend just because you are attracted to him. If he is worth being friends with, he will support and respect your decision to stay faithful to your covenants. We can't just run the other way every time we come into contact with that which tempts us, sometimes we have to face it head on and learn to live with it.

That's just what I think though.

salad said...

the note you sent was very well written. you were very complimentary and made sure that you kept his feelings in mind. i commend you for having the courage to write it. good luck!

Marmoreal said...

you're a better man than I am - wait, uh, anyway... I would have been seriously tempted to play with the fire a little more for reasons JG mentions in his comment.
Kudos to you for being able to kindly and clearly communicate your chosen life path.

playasinmar said...

1. "Part of this plan involves the creation of families here on the earth."

2. "A man and a woman get married and raise children."

Are you going to marry a women? Do you want to?

drex said...

I'm impressed that you made a decision on the situation so quickly - most people would have oscillated on it for a while, seen where things went, and made a decision either in the nick of time (and possibly at the expense of another's feelings) or too late (at the expense of their own). Kudos to you for being decisive, choosing the road less traveled, and having the gumption to put a note together to confront the issue. Keep us posted on how it goes!

My Best Is All I Have said...

Playas,

Are you going to marry a women?

I hope so

Do you want to?

I hope so

Esquire said...

Max, you're a true Man. I dig that!

I'm going to have to support what "iwonder" said about not running away from every temptation. I'm a believer in running away if that is the only way to escape the situation, but you're not near that point yet with this dude. You have borne your soul to this fellow about the truthfulness of the Gospel, you live it, and now you've even proven to him that you intend to live it fully. What a true testimony of faithfulness you have rendered! Not just in word, but in deed.

Your friend may now feel confident looking into what you shared with him instead of looking into having you as a partner. He may now take the testimony shared and decide to follow Christ.

You have truly made yourself the best example of a Gay Mormon. My prayers are with both of you in your journey. Hopefully his is just beginning, and with a friend like you, he may be well on his way back to the Fold.

Cheers!

SG said...

I applaud your courage and willpower. I agree with JG. I found out, the hard way, I couldn't really have it both ways.

It got burned before I learned that the closer I got to the flame, not only was it "hot", but it was more painful, even though I thought I was pulling away from it in time.

John Galt said...

You're all obviously stronger than I.

It all comes down to how YOU feel about this guy. If you think he's hot but you're determined not to do anything wrong beyond developing a mature, respectful relationship with him... you're dreaming in my opinion. If you were an alcoholic, why carry around a beer in your pocket?

On the other hand, if there is no attraction, then you're clear. I assumed there was an attraction just by hearing you write about it.

Bottom line is I don't really find myself spending time and making friendships with guys I'm not attracted to. Maybe I'm just shallow that way. That's why I make sure they're straight. I only have two gay friends, and that is because I don't ever want to be with them sexually.

If anything inside of you is curious about this guy, just be honest with yourself and move on. It's so easy to rationalize that you're "helping" him, that you're being a good example of a gay Mormon, that you're "spreading the Gospel", but really, God isn't going to put your salvation in jeapardy to build His kingdom.

It all comes down to how you feel about him. And even then, you have to know yourself well enough to know you're being honest with yourself :-)

playasinmar said...

Show of hands:

Who here would try to convert the beer in your pocket?

Kengo Biddles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
My Best Is All I Have said...

Hey, it could become near-beer if it wanted to. :P

playasinmar said...

HA! Yeah it just has to want it hard enough. :)

Katherine said...

You absolutely rock. I am so impressed by your commitment to what you know is true and good, despite its being so blasted difficult.