Here's the email I sent to my friend from yesterday's post.
Thanks again for dinner last night. You are too kind. I need to fill you in on a little additional info. I really like you. You are a generous, friendly and good-looking guy. Even though we don't know each other all that well, I want you to realize the trust that I put in you by letting you know last night that I was gay. Like I said, I only came out to my parents a few weeks ago. There are only a handful of people on this planet who know. It's just not something that I've ever been really comfortable talking about in the past. I would hope that you respect that confidence that I placed in you by telling you last night.
I need to explain a little more about what it means to be Mormon and gay. It's not at all easy. My beliefs, my faith, teach me about what the true purpose of this life is. We lived before we were born on this earth. God is the Father and Creator of our spirits. We lived with him and interacted with him just like children do with their parents here on this earth. In time, we recognized that we wanted to be like him, and he gave us that opportunity. Just as Jesus had after the resurrection, God has a body of flesh and bone. It's perfected and immortal, unlike the mortal flesh that we have. He presented a plan to us whereby we would be able to come to earth, gain a body, experience mortal life, and then return to live with him in the same state that he was in. The purpose of this life is to become more like our Heavenly Father.
Part of this plan involves the creation of families here on the earth. A man and a woman get married and raise children. They are participating with God in the miracle of creation by having children. The family unit is the key point to God's plan. In order for us to to obtain our full potential to be more like God, it's requisite that we create our own family unit (in the traditional definition) - husband, wife, children.
This is where the difficulties come with being gay. The natural side of me has inclinations towards other men. On the other hand, my spiritual side has inclinations towards having a family in the traditional manner. So which do I choose? It's been a tough debate my entire life, but over time I came to the decision that what I wanted most out of this life is spiritual peace - the knowledge that I'm doing what will be good for me beyond this mortal existance. I chose to not live the gay lifestyle. I chose to keep on searching for a special girl to marry and raise a family with. I chose the path that most people in this world would call crazy and illogical. But that's what I chose. I'll be honest, the debate still rages on inside of my head, but I always come back to the decision that I made originally as being the best one for me.
So, what's my point in all of this? Well, I go back to last night when you gave me the hug goodnight and kissed me on the neck. I'll be honest, part of me wanted a whole lot more. But based on the choices I have made, I don't want our friendship to become romantic - which I think it easily could, at least from my perspective. I want to be your friend. You're a great guy. But I don't want it to go beyond that. Maybe I'm just an idiot and reading too much into your gesture last night. If so, I am embarrassed and apologize and you can feel free to call me an idiot. I just wanted you to understand where I'm coming from and the life choices I have made.
I hope he takes it well. I would hate to crush him. But, I thought it more important to make sure that I stick with my choices and work out my own salvation than to keep on going with something that might get me in trouble.