I've been listening to Jesus the Christ on mp3 when I drive to work for the last couple of weeks. Today I got to the chapter on the parables of Jesus, and the first one that the author addresses is the Parable of the Sower. It got me thinking, so I figured I would write about it a little on this nifty blogification machine that I have.
I'll quote the parable as written in Mark 4:3-8
Behold, there went out a sower to sow:
And it came to pass, as he sowed, some fell by the way side, and the fowls of the air came and devoured it up.
And some fell on stony ground, where it had not much earth; and immediately it sprang up, because it had no depth of earth:
But when the sun was up, it was scorched; and because it had no root, it withered away.
And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up, and choked it, and it yielded no fruit.
And other fell on good ground and did yield fruit that sprang up and increased; and brought forth, some thirty, and some sixty, and some an hundred.
The cool thing about this parable is that Jesus immediately gave the interpretation of it. The first set of seeds that fell by the wayside represent those who are immediately led away by Satan after hearing the word. The second set of seeds, that fell on stony ground, are those who hear the word and immediately receive it. But, they have no root, so they endure for a time but when affliction or persecution arise they reject it. The third set of seeds, that get choked by thorns are those who hear the word but for the cares of the world get choked out by the world's influence and reject the word. The fourth set of seeds are those who hear and accept the word and live it. Some are more valiant than others in that they produce 30, 60 or even 100 fold.
As I was listening to the explanation that the Talmage gave of the parable, my mind took a keen interest on the third set of seeds. Those that were cast among thorns. People who hear the word and accept it, but after a time their cares for the world choke out the good word.
I feel a lot like that. I've been active my whole life, and I have always had a strong testimony of the gospel, but over the last several years I feel like a lot of thorns have grown up around me, and I haven't been weeding my garden very well.
As I was pondering this, it struck me that I'm in a very precarious spot. In coming to terms with my sexual orientation and trying to fit all that in with the gospel plan, I'm finding that the thorns are obstructing my view of the purity of the gospel. It has made it harder to make the decisions that I need to make, and has caused me to make some bad decisions. It has cast much doubt in my mind and made me question my core testimony. And I think that it has been a very large contributor to the depression issues I have now and again.
It seems to me that it is time to put on some gloves, grab a trowel and start weeding the garden.