I recently told a friend of mine to start owning his decisions. Thus began the apparent decay of our friendship - but I'm not going to write about that one. I think that on a scale of 1 to 10, I am at about a level 7 or 8 for being good about owning my decisions. For the most part I can take responsibility for something I have done, and take my lashings for it. So, in an effort to not be hypocritical about calling my friend's attention to that fact in his life, I also need to be sure that I'm owning my deicisions. So here it comes:
This whole incident I had with the choir I sing in is crazy. It is ridiculous the way that some other Mohos have chosen to view it, and capitalize on it to fester their own angst against Mormonism. It's really pathetic the lengths they have gone to distort and twist what I said, so that they may villify the choral organization.
But, I will own up to the fact that the crap they are pulling is the direct result of a bad decision that I made to allow myself to get worked up over something so trivial. If I had maintained composure and controlled my overreactive self, none of this would have ended up like it has.
So what do I do now? I've worked things out with the choir. I have no problem with the person who offended me. He apologized. I apologized to him for letting things get to where they are. We are on good terms. The problem is, the scavanger Moho that seized on this for his own personal aggrandizement is still harping on it. He won't let go, and continues to try to defame the choral organization. I asked him nicely to stop. He refused. Then I got angry and asked him angrily to stop. He refused again. He's done it all in the name of being my "ally and friend" and righting the wrongs which I have been burdened with.
I'm sorry, but the last time I checked an ally and a friend doesn't do things that hurt your reputation. If he really was my ally and friend and cared for me, he would cease and desist, understanding that the continued flaunting of my indiscretion of blabbing my problem to the whole world is damaging my image more than anything else.
But, he is neither my friend, nor my ally. He is much more akin to having the mind of a sadistic serial killer - one who gets pleasure out of seeing others suffer. Perhaps his blogger name should be "It Puts The Lotion On". (For you non R-rated movie people out there, that is a reference to the killer in Silence of the Lambs - great movie, but disturbing. I recommend it.)
But, in spite of how distasteful his current actions are, I truely have nobody to blame but myself. If I would have just let my emotions settle before I responded to the original offence, I would have been much more level-headed with it and things never would have been carried to the level that they have been.
I apologize to the choral organization for my actions, but apologies don't undo actions. I wish I could go back in time and kick myself in the head. I haven't felt this bad about doing something stupid for a very long time.