Checking In

Hello? Is this thing on?

I've really failed in my desires to return to my former prolific blogging persona. The last few months I've just not felt it. Maybe it's time to get some feelings out there again. I have a lot. I have good ones. I have bad ones.

I look back through some of my older posts and remark to myself, "Why the hell did I ever write that in a public forum?" I'm not going to go through and delete anything. It's already out there. It's already been said. Who would I be kidding?

I also look at some other posts and think about how my perspective has changed over the last many months that I've been in the Moho community. It's been a good experience. As I've come to know more and more Mohos personally, my once rigid view of how people should live their lives has softened up a bit. I can see instances where something that I feel would not be right for me to pursue would be okay for someone else, due solely to how their life has progressed over the years and the trials that they face.

I'm not willing to say anymore that I think that everyone should live the way I've chosen to live. When I look at the emotional trauma that some people experience by being a gay Mormon and looking at the oft-described "dreary" prospects for living their life, I think that maybe it would be better for them to pursue a more gay-themed lifestyle just for their own sanity. I would rather see someone alive and living with another guy than attend their funeral because the desperation was too much for them.

In saying that, I don't want to put across the idea that I think it's okay for anyone to do that. I think that most people should and are able to live a fulfilling life within the current boundaries that the church has established for all of us. I think that many people who express their exasperation at living the SCF (single, celibate and faithful) life actually do have what it takes to live that life. They just need to reorient their spirituality and tap into the testimony that lies dormant inside of them.

We all get down. We all get weary. We sometimes veer off the path and make mistakes that nobody else knows about. But God knows everything, and He is always there to listen to you if you humble yourself before Him and talk to him in sincerity. No matter what you're struggling with, He loves you and cares about you. And He will always welcome you back with open arms.