06 June 2007

A Happy Middle Ground?

So, my post yesterday was Option B = Sucks. I still believe that (but I'm proud to say that at no time during the day or evening did I break down in uncontrollable sobbing).

There has to be a happy medium. There has to be another option. I do still believe that from an eternal perspective, we can't do option A. I think that we both would love to be able to find a woman, get sealed in the temple, and start eternal families. We both know that is how The Plan is supposed to work.

But I care deeply for John. Why can't I find some way to still express those feelings of love? Why do we have to sever everything we have? Love is not an evil. The Bible even says "God is Love." As long as there is no hanky-panky, there really shouldn't be anything wrong with loving another person.

Case in point (sorry, John, I hope you don't mind me revealing this bit of info):

When I leaned over and kissed John that night, I didn't just give him one kiss and say, "Thank you, you can go home." We kissed a lot for a long time. And here was the strange thing for me: I didn't feel guilty. I didn't feel dirty. I didn't feel evil. I didn't feel bad at all. I had absolutely no regrets. I felt pretty freaking awesome. And if there is anyone in this world with an overactive conscience, who will feel guilty over the smallest of small things, it is me. Feeling guilt is one of my core competencies.

I have a friend that I confide everything in. I talked to her on Sunday night about the entire experience. She is a pretty straight-arrow Mormon, and when I told her about not feeling guilty for kissing him she responded, "Why would you feel guilty for kissing someone? Are you supposed to?"

That got me thinking. Am I supposed to feel guilty for expressing love to someone else (especially if it's in an appropriate fashion)? What is the appropriate fashion? Obviously, there is a certain level of action where you begin to cross lines and do things you shouldn't, but straight couples have to deal with that too.

I was intrigued by Beck's last post. Why are certain actions appropriate in some cultures and not in others? Now, none of the people he was talking about were making out, but they had real, intimate, physical contact with each other and it was okay. There was nothing wrong with it!

Where is our happy middle ground for the appropriate expression of Love?


drex said...

The barrier or propriety is something that I have trouble with. Since the change in BYU's honor code I know what is and isn't appropriate at a church-sponsored school, but I'm not convinced that it's what's right universally. In fact, I'd venture to say that as a blanket, cover-all, fail-safe regulation applying to tens of thousands of students, it shouldn't be considered the flagship for rules. So where's the line?

I think that's something that everyone has to figure out for themselves, and the more the Spirit is involved in that discovery, the better. I'm not convinced that male-on-male kissing is sinful; however, I would feel quite guilty if I indulged in it myself, and not only because I'm engaged. It would be a step (a small step, possibly) down a path that leads to a slippery slope, for me. I don't know for sure where it would put me, but it wouldn't be closer to God than I am now, so for me, personally, I know where that particular barrier lies.

Beck said...

Amen to this post!

There's got to be a middle ground. Call me idealistic or moronic, I don't care. I seek that middle ground!

I commend you for your willingness to find one. I commend you for not letting your guilt, or "internal ickiness" as I posted recently, tear you down or destroy you with self-destructive thoughts and actions. This thing we are describing, this expression of "love" is nothing to be icky or feel guilty about. I'm sorry, but I don't accept it!

There's got to be a middle ground. I feel that other cultures have found such middle ground and that we are so caught up in silly repressive behaviors that we can't even naturally react and respond to each other without getting all wigged out over it.

Congrats on choosing OPTION "C"!!!!

Gimple said...

I've asked myself this question many times. I have also kissed a couple of guys that I truly love. I didn't feel guilty about it. It was amazing to kiss and feel that love. So what do we do? I don't know. I wish there were some answers, but there aren't. I just try to follow the Spirit because it will never lead me astray.

Unusual Dude said...

Unfortunately I've engaged in that kind of kissing before, and it's been years and years, but I wish it had never happened. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but consider this quote from the "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet:

Before marriage, do not do anything to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not allow anyone to do that with you. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body.

In cultures where dating or courting is acceptable, always treat your date with respect, never as an object to be used for your lustful desires. Stay in areas of safety where you can easily control your physical feelings. Do not participate in talk or activities that arouse sexual feelings.

I do think, though, that there is a problem with our culture. It shouldn't be so strange for men to be affectionate (within boundaries). In our culture, do anything but punch another guy's shoulder, and eyebrows are raised.

There is a medium somewhere, but my opinion is that a lot of kissing probably isn't in that safe medium we wish we could find.

-L- said...

Feeling guilt is one of my core competencies.

You and me both, my friend. :-)

hichachi said...

I don't usually comment, but this song popped into my head the other day and seemed oddly, yet wildly appropriate - Thank you Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young:

There's a Rose
In a fisted Glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
It's alright
Go ahead and love the one, love the one, love the one your with
Love the one, love the one, love the one your with
If your guy can't come to you
And you don't remember who your talking to
Your concentration slips away
Because your baby, she is so so far away
Chorus: And there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you cant be with the one you love
Love the one your with
Don't be angry
Don't be sad
Don't sit cryin' for good times you had
There's a girl right next to you
And she's waiting for something to do

Do it
Do it
Do it
Turn your heartache into joy
She's a girl and your a boy
Get together, make it tonight,
You ain't gonna need no more advice
Just love the one your with

John said...

Ha ha ha!!! I love the song!