So, my post yesterday was Option B = Sucks. I still believe that (but I'm proud to say that at no time during the day or evening did I break down in uncontrollable sobbing).
There has to be a happy medium. There has to be another option. I do still believe that from an eternal perspective, we can't do option A. I think that we both would love to be able to find a woman, get sealed in the temple, and start eternal families. We both know that is how The Plan is supposed to work.
But I care deeply for John. Why can't I find some way to still express those feelings of love? Why do we have to sever everything we have? Love is not an evil. The Bible even says "God is Love." As long as there is no hanky-panky, there really shouldn't be anything wrong with loving another person.
Case in point (sorry, John, I hope you don't mind me revealing this bit of info):
When I leaned over and kissed John that night, I didn't just give him one kiss and say, "Thank you, you can go home." We kissed a lot for a long time. And here was the strange thing for me: I didn't feel guilty. I didn't feel dirty. I didn't feel evil. I didn't feel bad at all. I had absolutely no regrets. I felt pretty freaking awesome. And if there is anyone in this world with an overactive conscience, who will feel guilty over the smallest of small things, it is me. Feeling guilt is one of my core competencies.
I have a friend that I confide everything in. I talked to her on Sunday night about the entire experience. She is a pretty straight-arrow Mormon, and when I told her about not feeling guilty for kissing him she responded, "Why would you feel guilty for kissing someone? Are you supposed to?"
That got me thinking. Am I supposed to feel guilty for expressing love to someone else (especially if it's in an appropriate fashion)? What is the appropriate fashion? Obviously, there is a certain level of action where you begin to cross lines and do things you shouldn't, but straight couples have to deal with that too.
I was intrigued by Beck's last post. Why are certain actions appropriate in some cultures and not in others? Now, none of the people he was talking about were making out, but they had real, intimate, physical contact with each other and it was okay. There was nothing wrong with it!
Where is our happy middle ground for the appropriate expression of Love?