19 March 2008

The Outtie Scale

The Outtie Scale is not a measure of the protrusion of my belly button. Rather, it is a measure of how out I am to those people I associate with.

I think that on a scale of 1-10, I would rate myself around a 6. It's not that 60% of the people I associate with know that I'm gay. It's more like, I feel comfortable acting completely like myself around 60% of the people I know. If they pick up on it that I'm light in the loafers, that's okay by me.

Well, there is a distinction I need to make before I go any further. I don't like to mix my private life with my work life. So, even though I don't put on an act at work, I really don't want to talk to any of those people about my sexual orientation. I go to work, do my job, and I'm work-me there. I don't hang out with more than a couple of people from work, so I'm just not keen on inviting all of the rest of my company into my private life. I think that would be the case for most people, straight or gay. Let work stay at work and leave my private life alone. So, the Outtie Scale excludes work.

Anyway, I'm working on feeling comfortable about "being myself" around everyone. I'm getting there bit by bit, as you can see from my post about telling a very close guy friend last week, and telling my Elder's Quorum President. Progression is coming. I think that the 60% I feel comfortable around are mostly of the female persuasion. It's the straight guys that make me nervous. They freak out about gay people too much. What's up with that?

Actually, nervous isn't the right word. It's not like I'm worried about being the next Matthew Shepherd. It's just the awkwardness that I don't like. I'm not a confrontational person at all, so I don't do awkward very well either. I dunno, maybe I should just rip the band-aid off all at once and come out during Elder's Quorum one of these Sundays. That would spice things up a bit. :D

All in all, I think it's great that I'm up at 60%. After all, it was only a year ago that I came out to my family, and before that only a couple of friends and Bishops knew. Progress is good. I feel comfortable in my own skin.

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