04 March 2008

Life Over 35

My sister sent me this email today. I laughed. But then again, I turned 35 this year.

Dear Under-35 Crowd,

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what, with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning... uphill BOTH ways yada, yada, yada!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty five, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom , your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids' and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your a$$ and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire.... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled!!!

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980! Oh yea, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes.

The over 35 Crowd


Rich said...

I really enjoyed this post. It took me back to the 80s. I'm 31 so I do remember the 80s quite well but a couple of things you pointed here, I have to question a bit. One - no remote control? The TV my family had back in the early 80s had remote control. We didn't have cable because my dad didn't want to pay for it and let's face it, in Orange County, CA you can pick up quite a bit with rabbit ears, but we did have a remote control.

As for the microwave, it made the scene in 1970s. Maybe your house didn't have one but we definitely had a microwave throughout the 1980s. I also remember our first VCR. We were one the last houses to get one. I think it was in 1987 (another piece of technology that made the scene in the 1970s). My dad paid over $700 for our first VCR. It was top-of-the-line JVC.

Anyway, thanks for the trip down memory lane. I can definitely affirm a lot of what you just said.

Max Power said...

Yeah, it wasn't completely accurate, but it was funny. My sister didn't write it, she just forwarded it to me.

I remember my grandparents having a remote control TV. We didn't have one.

I vaguely remember having a microwave, but I'm not sure how young I was when we finally got one.

We probably got the same VCR that you did. I remember my parents paying an obscene amount of money for it, especially for how poor we were. And movies were like $75-$100 each, so we would rent movies and copy them. We had a huge library of pirated movies - I think that was the only reason I had friends. :D

Original Mohomie said...

Ha, I much enjoyed reading that. I may not be as ancient as you, but I sometimes think back to such days...when I was the only kid I knew using e-mail, and microwaves took forever to heat anything, and there were still beta videos in the rental stores, and touch-tone phones were not universal...