John left a message on one of my other posts, indicating that he was in the area for a couple of weeks and suggested that we hang out. My initial reaction as I recall was, "Sweet! I get to meet a potentially hot gay Mormon guy! The possibilities are endless!" Then that thought quickly evolved into, "Holy crap! Do I dare meet a potentially hot gay Mormon guy? How will I restrain myself from throwing him down and getting it on?"
In many ways, it's much more difficult to deal with the prospect of another gay Mormon than just your average gay guy. It's actually not too difficult to say no to someone who doesn't share your core beliefs. But, when it's someone who is on the same spiritual plane as you are, and understands absolutely everything you feel from day to day, then it's not so easy to say no. I had a lot of fear about this bottled up inside of me. I've never openly met with another gay Mormon guy. I was extremely hesitant to accept the invitation to hang out. But, I figured that it was a hurdle I needed to jump over, so I did.
I had a bunch of friends coming over last night to watch the season finales of 24 and Heroes, so I invited John to come down and join us. I figured that a group setting would help ease the situation - it's kind of hard to jump another guy's bones in front of a bunch of people who think you're straight. We set up a good cover story as to who he was and why he was visiting me, since he is 10 years younger than me. We pulled it off without a hitch. I'm a pretty good story-inventor (I prefer that term to "liar") when it comes to covering up the gay trail.
So 8:00 rolls around, and John calls saying that he is at my condo and is wondering where to park. I immidiately started having major anxiety issues. My head was swimming with random thoughts:
What if he's really hot? I cant' handle that. I sure hope he's not attractive. What if he tries to put the moves on me? I should say no, but hey, I've been a little lonely the last few weeks, and... Crap! Why am I thinking all of this? I don't even know this person! What's wrong with my brain?
I hear him walking up the steps. Well, this is it. No turning back now.
Then I get my first view of John, and my first thought was, "Yikes! He is really good looking. This is not what I need right now."
I invited him in, we shook hands, he sat in the recliner and I sat on the couch. None of my friends would ever show up on time to anything, so of course it was just the two of us. And we started talking. I have to admit, it was a bit awkward for me. And awkwardness leads to poor conversation flow.
We chatted for a bit and then my friends showed up. We ate pizza and watched 24. As a side note, I was disappointed in 24 this season. I think it was my least favorite season. Too much blah, and not enough bang.
After 24 my friends left (none of them are Heroes fans, so I should probably not be friends with them any more) and John and I watched Heroes. It was a great season finale. I love that show. I can't wait for it to start up next season.
Then Heroes was over, and it was time for talking - and hopefully nothing more. I opened up with, "So, how's the gay life up at BYU?" And that got the conversation rolling.
I thoroughly enjoyed the next 4 hours talking about everything. As time went on and we talked more, my anxiety about sitting there with an attractive gay Mormon subsided and I was able to just be normal and view him as a friend. My mind was at ease, and I had a great time. He didn't make any moves and try to make out with me, so I was
So, meeting another MoHo wasn't all that bad. I conquered my fear of it, and can comfortably say now that I look forward to someday meeting many of the rest of you.