20 May 2007

Advice #2: Get Out!!!

This is a post in an ongoing series of what it takes to live your life as a single, celibate, gay Mormon.

Get Out!!!

It is important to note that I used, not one, not two, but three exclamation points in the title of this post. I'm not sure why that's important, it just is. :P

When I say "get out" I'm not talking about coming out of the closet. Just go ahead and stay in there as long as you need to for whatever your individual reasons are (I've remained in said closet for 30 years). Get Out!!! with three exclamation points means to get out and do stuff.

Why is it important to get out? Part of remaining celibate/chaste means that you have a lot of time where you're not dating and/or married and having sex. As such, you need to fill those moments with activities, otherwise you tend to sit at home and wallow in self pity. Seriously, a big depression catalyst is sitting at home, alone with nowhere to go and nothing to do. If you find yourself doing that a lot on the weekends, you need to fix that or you will become a sad, depressed person.

Don't ever let your friends not take you out with them on the weekends. When they call and say they are going to do such and such, don't hesitate, just go. Be spontaneous. Be fun. Have fun. Even if you would rather rip your arms out of their sockets and beat yourself to death with them than go out, go out anyway.

Take advantage of the fact that you aren't bound at home with a wife and kids. Travel as much as you can. I've been all over the US - 40 of the 50 states so far. The last three years I started major foreign travel (beyond Canada or Mexico). So far I've hit Peru, Ireland and the UK (twice). The next place I want to hit is Guatemala, when I can find a few people that want to go. Anyone interested? :D

I think that the moral of this advice is to do something with yourself rather than bemoaning the fact that you are a gay Mormon that potentially will be single his/her whole life. Don't be emo. Get out and live life! Plus, being social is your only opportunity to meet new people and possibly that one magical person of the opposite sex that you can be attracted to.


John said...

How true that is!!! I just got back down to SoCal for a little break before going up to Moab. And since I have nothing pressing to keep me busy, I instantly slipped into that state of depression! It's amazing how fast it can happen. Thanks for the advice.

PS... we should hang out while I'm down here.

Max Power said...

Bleh! It's so cloudy and gloomy here right now it's hard not to be depressed even if you are super busy! The end of May and the entire month of June are like that. But, the other 10.5 months out of the year are spectacular!

drex said...

Even as a generally optimistic person living with family members, I fell into that trap for more than a year. Things have turned around quite a lot in three months for me, but I can completely see the truth in what you said.

Also: I completely envy your travelings. >:(

Max Power said...

Note of clarification:

I hesitated to mention sex in the post, thinking it would be misunderstood as saying that married people have sex all the time (ahhh, to live the dream). What I was really getting at is that married people have a companion that consumes much of their time - hobbies, mundane tasks, and the frequent/occasional romp in the hay. I was just trying to point out that single guys have copious amounts of spare time to fill.

Max Power said...


Don't envy me. Be like me. :D

Come to Guatemala!

Danish Boy said...

I would love to go to Guatemala. I actually got the travel bug last year on my trip to Europe to see my family. I decided that I can't just be still. I am going to Hawaii in September to go hiking. I am so stoked! If you go to Guatemala seriously let me know.

Kengo Biddles said...

You know, Miki was much older than the "marrying age" which I think in UT is 18 for girls? She had long decided that she was going to live her life as fully as she could and not let anyone pity her, and I think this is good, sound advice that you're giving, Max.