This is a test

This is only a test. Please don't be alarmed. The fire alarms aren't really going off, it's just your imagination. So, please stay at your desk playing Freecell while the building burns down around you. This is only a test.

That's kind of the message that came over the intercom system today at work. I swear that the city fire department comes to test out our system every 2 weeks. And since I work a slightly later shift than most, I get to sit and listen to the alarms more frequently than I care to.

Anyway, that was probably the lamest way to start out a blog. Allow myself to introduce myself. I am a single, thirtysomething guy living in Southern California. I'm a Mormon, and I love my religion. I have had so many incredible experiences throughout my life that have helped me to know that God is real and that He loves all of us, his children, very much. I've also learned that like any other good parent, he doesn't always give his children what they want - he gives them what is good for them and what will help them to grow while in this mortal existance.

This is where the conundrum begins, for I am gay. I'm not the type of gay guy that is one of those feminine, flamboyant types. No sir. Those type of gay guys annoy the crap out of me. I'm a pretty normal guy that likes guy-type things: cars, outdoor activities, and the likes. I just happen to have a like that most other guys don't, and that is I like other guys. Now, I wouldn't call my attraction to other men 100%, meaning that every once in a while I do meet a girl that can float my boat. But, the vast majority of my sexual attraction is for guys. In the 20 years since I hit puberty, I'd have to say that there have only been 4 or 5 girls that have really done it for me.

Okay, so that is my opening introduction. I'm a devout, conservative Mormon who is missing out on the biggest of all Mormon commandments, which is to get married and raise a family. It's quite the inner struggle.

I'm going to stop there for now. I don't want to write everything all at once and then have a blog so long nobody will stop to read it. But, bit by bit I hope to unravel this mystery. I'm grateful for the pseudo-anonymity that is offered through the blogoshpere, because it's going to allow me the chance to have open conversations that I probably couldn't have otherwise.

Talk to you soon.