I've gone through some of my old entries, and boy are there some doozies! It makes me sit back and think about where I was back then, why I wrote the way I did, and what my status is with some of those things now. It makes me ponder what life lessons I have learned through everything.
I would have to say that probably the biggest life lesson that I have learned since finding the gay Mormon blogosphere, coming out to my family and friends, struggling with the anger and angst of being a gay Mormon, and finally entering into a wonderful relationship with the man of my dreams, is the lesson of not being judgmental.
I would dare say that when I started down this road, I was one of the most judgmental people on the planet. I would say that I even had the distinction of earning the title Judge Mental. Seriously. I was a nut case. I was more than willing, happy and eager to point out all of the flaws that I saw in everyone who wasn't the outstanding, upright Mormon that I was. I even ruined a few potentially good friendships because of this, most notably with Elbow (if you ever read this, Elbow, I am publicly apologizing for the twit that I was to you).
But, now that I'm on the other side of the tunnel and am in a much happier and peaceful place, I can see my errors. And, I now have a much greater ability to see people who are in the angry, angsty (and oft times offensive) state that I was in a few years ago, and I don't get irritated with them. I feel compassion for them. It doesn't bother me when they make judgments on me and spew their venom. I understand them. I know where they are coming from. And I feel for the them and the pain they are feeling inside.
I would just implore all you mohos out there to not be judgmental of other mohos and the choices they make for their lives. Everyone is different. Everyone has a different path to walk. Just because someone's path may be different than yours doesn't mean that they aren't doing what God wants them to do with their life.
21 June 2009
16 June 2009
Another Parade
So, D and I went to the LA Pride parade and festival this past weekend. In fact, the company I work for is a big supporter of GLBT rights, and we marched in the parade. Our presentation wasn't a fancy float or anything, it was just a bunch of my coworkers holding our company banner, handing out beads to the crowd, and being followed by a hot red convertible 2009 Mustang with company posters (stating that we offer full partner and gay marriage benefits) on the sides and D and I riding in the back, waving.
And yes, I have to admit that the two of us riding in there, side by side and holding a flag was hot. Super hot. So hot, in fact, that people were taking pictures of us non-stop on the parade route. Had we not been in the car, there probably would have been a grand total of about 3 pictures taken of my companies conservative presentation. D even had a few people run up out of the crowd to smack him on the butt. It was tons o' fun. Oh yeah, and there were so many hotties out and about. My favorite was the pirate ship with all the pirates in speedos. :D
There is also a huge local Latino GLBT support group called Bienestar. They had two huge floats and probably 150 people marching. The first float was called "Amazonas", and it seemed to mostly consist of drag queens and transgendered individuals dressed as Amazon warriors. They were in the parade staging area next to us, so we got to enjoy them for a couple of hours. Two of the drag queens really took a liking to D and myself, and insisted on taking pictures "con las papis." It was a hoot! :D
After the parade we went to the festival grounds to check it out. It was pretty fun. We saw a lot of strange people. A LOT of strange people. And I came to understand why most of the "normal" gays that I know around here say they don't like going to the pride festival. It's a little out there. Haha!
Anyway, the guy that makes the shirtless Mormon missionary calendars was there, and we visited with him for a little while. I can't wait for the new one to come out! :D
We also manned the recruiting booth for my company (job recruiting, not gay recruiting) and met lots of interesting people. One of the guys we met is the guy who founded californiansagainsthate.com. He was very interesting to talk to. He was very interested to talk to us as well, since we were raised LDS and have since chosen an alternate path. In fact, we're going to have dinner with him sometime next month to talk about things. I'll let you know how that goes.
We also met a guy and his husband who had a really sad story. I'll refer to them as the tall one and the short one. The tall one grew up LDS, got married, had a couple kids, and couldn't hack it being in a mixed-orientation marriage. So, he got divorced and had been partnered/married for 17 years now with the short one. The tall one's kids had been really close with him and the short one, so much so that the short one referred to the kids as "our kids". The oldest daughter had even come to live with them for a couple years when she was 18. Well, the fiasco that was Prop 8, destroyed their family ties. That same daughter who had grown up knowing them, and living with them for a time sent them a letter during the Prop 8 ordeal last fall denouncing their relationship as satanic and severing all ties with them. They used to be very involved in the lives of their grandchildren, and now they have a new baby granddaughter that they have never met and have been told they never will. How horrible is that? And here they are just devastated over the fact that the LDS church preaches the importance of families, and then through their political actions are tearing non-standard ones apart. I felt so sorry for them. It just makes me so mad to think of the things that get done in the name of "righteousness" in the Mormon community.
All in all it was a really fun time. If I remember to, I'll get the picture of the hot speedo pirates that I took with D's camera and update this post with it (just for you O-Mo). ;)
The only VW I have ever liked:
Balloons (Great angle on that shot, D!):
D and myself:
And who doesn't love a Disco Ball Pinto!?!?
Las Amazonas:
The only Amazona worth looking at:
Don't forget gay masked wrestling:
Pirates!!
Pirates afoot!!
I'm not sure what was going on here, but it was so disturbing I had to post it:
And yes, I have to admit that the two of us riding in there, side by side and holding a flag was hot. Super hot. So hot, in fact, that people were taking pictures of us non-stop on the parade route. Had we not been in the car, there probably would have been a grand total of about 3 pictures taken of my companies conservative presentation. D even had a few people run up out of the crowd to smack him on the butt. It was tons o' fun. Oh yeah, and there were so many hotties out and about. My favorite was the pirate ship with all the pirates in speedos. :D
There is also a huge local Latino GLBT support group called Bienestar. They had two huge floats and probably 150 people marching. The first float was called "Amazonas", and it seemed to mostly consist of drag queens and transgendered individuals dressed as Amazon warriors. They were in the parade staging area next to us, so we got to enjoy them for a couple of hours. Two of the drag queens really took a liking to D and myself, and insisted on taking pictures "con las papis." It was a hoot! :D
After the parade we went to the festival grounds to check it out. It was pretty fun. We saw a lot of strange people. A LOT of strange people. And I came to understand why most of the "normal" gays that I know around here say they don't like going to the pride festival. It's a little out there. Haha!
Anyway, the guy that makes the shirtless Mormon missionary calendars was there, and we visited with him for a little while. I can't wait for the new one to come out! :D
We also manned the recruiting booth for my company (job recruiting, not gay recruiting) and met lots of interesting people. One of the guys we met is the guy who founded californiansagainsthate.com. He was very interesting to talk to. He was very interested to talk to us as well, since we were raised LDS and have since chosen an alternate path. In fact, we're going to have dinner with him sometime next month to talk about things. I'll let you know how that goes.
We also met a guy and his husband who had a really sad story. I'll refer to them as the tall one and the short one. The tall one grew up LDS, got married, had a couple kids, and couldn't hack it being in a mixed-orientation marriage. So, he got divorced and had been partnered/married for 17 years now with the short one. The tall one's kids had been really close with him and the short one, so much so that the short one referred to the kids as "our kids". The oldest daughter had even come to live with them for a couple years when she was 18. Well, the fiasco that was Prop 8, destroyed their family ties. That same daughter who had grown up knowing them, and living with them for a time sent them a letter during the Prop 8 ordeal last fall denouncing their relationship as satanic and severing all ties with them. They used to be very involved in the lives of their grandchildren, and now they have a new baby granddaughter that they have never met and have been told they never will. How horrible is that? And here they are just devastated over the fact that the LDS church preaches the importance of families, and then through their political actions are tearing non-standard ones apart. I felt so sorry for them. It just makes me so mad to think of the things that get done in the name of "righteousness" in the Mormon community.
All in all it was a really fun time. If I remember to, I'll get the picture of the hot speedo pirates that I took with D's camera and update this post with it (just for you O-Mo). ;)
The only VW I have ever liked:
Balloons (Great angle on that shot, D!):
D and myself:
And who doesn't love a Disco Ball Pinto!?!?
Las Amazonas:
The only Amazona worth looking at:
Don't forget gay masked wrestling:
Pirates!!
Pirates afoot!!
I'm not sure what was going on here, but it was so disturbing I had to post it:
28 May 2009
Chants
The best chant that I heard someone yell out at the rally the other night:
Two, four, six, eight
Are you sure your husband's straight?
Two, four, six, eight
Are you sure your husband's straight?
26 May 2009
Gay Marriage Rally
As you've all heard by now, the California Supreme Court ruling on Prop 8 came out today. The proposition was upheld, but so were the 18,000 marriages performed in the window while it was legal.
There were protest rallys all over the state tonight. D and I went to the rally for Orange County at the Old Orange County Courthouse in Santa Ana. It was pretty great. I guesstimate that there were around 500-600 people there in support of gay marriage, and about 3 oddballs holding signs against it and telling us we were all going to hell.
We listened to a few speakers and then marched from the courthouse to a gathering spot at the other end of the county buildings referred to as the Circle of Flags (or Circle of Fags as I affectionately refer to it). We listened to a few more people talk about it there, raised our voices to join in some chants, and then we all marched back to the courthouse.
It was a good time. It made me proud to be part of something democratic that's changing history.
For the most part, the people who spoke were great to listen to. Unfortunately, the main organizer woman that did most of the talking was not that great. In fact, she was horrible at it - but you could tell that she thought she was great. It's sad. I give her a ton of credit and love for the work she is doing, but she just wasn't all that great behind the microphone. I hope they take my anonymous email well and find someone else to do the speaking. I mean, hey, even Moses had someone to speak for him since he wasn't very good at it. On the other hand, the minister from the Unitarian church that spoke was fantastic. Extremely motivational. I loved listening to him.
They introduced several churches located in Orange County that are very much gay rights and gay marriage advocates. I wonder if these groups will play a larger role in the next ballot initiative that tries to legalize gay marriage. The movement definitely needs better and more cohesive leadership in order to succeed.
All in all, it was a fun evening (followed up going to Lucille's BBQ for dinner).
BTW: D and I happen to be in the picture at the top of this. Time to play "Where's Waldo". Credit for the photo goes to the Orange County Register.
22 May 2009
Interesting
So, two posts ago when I talked about my relationship with D, I had about 70 hits per day for 4 days. With my last post about going to the Long Beach Pride Parade, I had 16 hits.
I also noticed that my blog is no longer linked from Northern Lights. No room for sinners at the table, eh? *shrug*
A tip of the hat to those of you who are interested enough to have me in your reader, and/or are genuine enough to respect my decision to pursue my relationship with D.
I also noticed that my blog is no longer linked from Northern Lights. No room for sinners at the table, eh? *shrug*
A tip of the hat to those of you who are interested enough to have me in your reader, and/or are genuine enough to respect my decision to pursue my relationship with D.
19 May 2009
My First Parade
This past weekend was the Long Beach Pride Festival. It was the first time since I came out that I felt like attending. So, on Sunday D-train and I went to the parade to see what it was all about.
One of the reasons I haven't attended before was that I was scared of it. I was frightened of all the booze, drugs and public sex that was sure to be happening. And me with my puritanical roots couldn't handle such human depravity. But, my curiosity got the better of me this year and I talked D into going to it (although at the mention of the possibility of seeing cute boys, it didn't take much persuasive talk).
The parade was fun. It was harmless. There was no nudity (although quite a few cute, shirtless boys). No drugs. And very few people were drinking (it was at 10:30 in the morning, so it was mostly people cradling their Starbucks). I was surprised at the number of straight families with kids that were there to watch. I was equally surprised at the high number of normal looking people that were there. There were plenty of queeny ones to go around, but I'd say that the majority looked pretty much just like D and myself (although, for the most part not as dashingly handsome as either of us).
We both agreed that the tranny's were our favorite (Miss Lola was gorgeous! And Ongina from RuPaul's Drag Race was there too!). Honestly, years ago I was kind of creeped out by them, but at this point in my life I can look at them with respect at how comfortable with themselves they are. They are some of the few people in the world who are truly comfortable in their own skin.
But perhaps the most surprising thing to both of us was the sheer number of gay latino and black people there were. I'd venture to guess that at the Long Beach parade (at least where we were standing on the route) our latino brothers were the majority.
In a few weeks I get to march in the LA Pride parade. My employer is one of the corporate sponsors, and I'm in the GLBTA club, so I get to participate as a corporate representative. I'm pretty excited about that.
One of the reasons I haven't attended before was that I was scared of it. I was frightened of all the booze, drugs and public sex that was sure to be happening. And me with my puritanical roots couldn't handle such human depravity. But, my curiosity got the better of me this year and I talked D into going to it (although at the mention of the possibility of seeing cute boys, it didn't take much persuasive talk).
The parade was fun. It was harmless. There was no nudity (although quite a few cute, shirtless boys). No drugs. And very few people were drinking (it was at 10:30 in the morning, so it was mostly people cradling their Starbucks). I was surprised at the number of straight families with kids that were there to watch. I was equally surprised at the high number of normal looking people that were there. There were plenty of queeny ones to go around, but I'd say that the majority looked pretty much just like D and myself (although, for the most part not as dashingly handsome as either of us).
We both agreed that the tranny's were our favorite (Miss Lola was gorgeous! And Ongina from RuPaul's Drag Race was there too!). Honestly, years ago I was kind of creeped out by them, but at this point in my life I can look at them with respect at how comfortable with themselves they are. They are some of the few people in the world who are truly comfortable in their own skin.
But perhaps the most surprising thing to both of us was the sheer number of gay latino and black people there were. I'd venture to guess that at the Long Beach parade (at least where we were standing on the route) our latino brothers were the majority.
In a few weeks I get to march in the LA Pride parade. My employer is one of the corporate sponsors, and I'm in the GLBTA club, so I get to participate as a corporate representative. I'm pretty excited about that.
25 March 2009
A Periodic Update
Just thought I would post a little bit of an update here for my enormous fanbase. :P
I think that it's time to drop the mask. Good heavens, the problem with spending 34 years in the closet is that once you start coming out you still have the habits of covering your tracks to make yourself look like the perfect Mormon boy that you've so successfully portrayed in the past. And even in the anonymous blog world, you find yourself covering up many of the truths about yourself and what you are experiencing, all for the good of saving face. The absurdity of it all...
I struggled a lot - a lot - over the last couple of years. Mostly with how to reconcile my 3 decades of religious indoctrination with my newly accepted gay self. I made some mistakes. I hooked up with people when I shouldn't have. I took things too far with some. I went to my bishop, spilled the beans and tried to get "back on track".
Then it happened. I met the perfect person. The one who I had been waiting for (unknowingly, since I was going on 35 years of feigning straightness) all my life. We met a year ago this month. Our first live meeting was with a couple of other MoHos for dinner. The instant I saw him I fell in love. He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen - and I've looked at a lot of porn in my day. ;)
We began hanging out and became the best of friends. I was torn. I was conflicted. I loved him, but I was still trying to reconcile the whole church thing. Then last fall, both of his roommates moved away and he needed a place to live. He asked if he could come live with me ... and I said yes.
Since that time, it has been amazing. We just fit together perfectly as a couple. We have plenty in common so that we enjoy doing all sorts of things together (yay Disneyland!), and we have enough differences so that we can sometimes go do our own thing and not get bored of being together all the time. I'm still excited every day to see him after work. We've started talking about making it permanent - and the twins that we need to find an egg donor and surrogate mother for. :)
Where does this leave me with the church? I still believe the core doctrines. I also believe that we don't understand the smallest fraction of what's on God's mind about everything ... especially homosexuality. I honestly hope that someday the church will at least accept gay couples into full membership, even if gay sealings don't ever happen. At the moment, though, I haven't divulged all of this to my bishop yet. I'm not sure that I will for a while. The fallout will be tough. It's hard knowing that excommunication will most likely be coming my way. I'll be missing a lot. I'm sad that I can't stand in the circle to bless my new baby niece that was born last week. But, I look at all of that and also know that I can not go back to the lonely, depressed, desperate person that I was before, looking for hookups in the shadows of Saturday night and feigning righteousness in the pews on Sunday morning. And I just can't accept the deprecation of gay people that goes on every single effing week at church. God loves all his children, not just the ones that fit the perfect Mormon mold.
That's it for this update. See you soon.
I think that it's time to drop the mask. Good heavens, the problem with spending 34 years in the closet is that once you start coming out you still have the habits of covering your tracks to make yourself look like the perfect Mormon boy that you've so successfully portrayed in the past. And even in the anonymous blog world, you find yourself covering up many of the truths about yourself and what you are experiencing, all for the good of saving face. The absurdity of it all...
I struggled a lot - a lot - over the last couple of years. Mostly with how to reconcile my 3 decades of religious indoctrination with my newly accepted gay self. I made some mistakes. I hooked up with people when I shouldn't have. I took things too far with some. I went to my bishop, spilled the beans and tried to get "back on track".
Then it happened. I met the perfect person. The one who I had been waiting for (unknowingly, since I was going on 35 years of feigning straightness) all my life. We met a year ago this month. Our first live meeting was with a couple of other MoHos for dinner. The instant I saw him I fell in love. He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen - and I've looked at a lot of porn in my day. ;)
We began hanging out and became the best of friends. I was torn. I was conflicted. I loved him, but I was still trying to reconcile the whole church thing. Then last fall, both of his roommates moved away and he needed a place to live. He asked if he could come live with me ... and I said yes.
Since that time, it has been amazing. We just fit together perfectly as a couple. We have plenty in common so that we enjoy doing all sorts of things together (yay Disneyland!), and we have enough differences so that we can sometimes go do our own thing and not get bored of being together all the time. I'm still excited every day to see him after work. We've started talking about making it permanent - and the twins that we need to find an egg donor and surrogate mother for. :)
Where does this leave me with the church? I still believe the core doctrines. I also believe that we don't understand the smallest fraction of what's on God's mind about everything ... especially homosexuality. I honestly hope that someday the church will at least accept gay couples into full membership, even if gay sealings don't ever happen. At the moment, though, I haven't divulged all of this to my bishop yet. I'm not sure that I will for a while. The fallout will be tough. It's hard knowing that excommunication will most likely be coming my way. I'll be missing a lot. I'm sad that I can't stand in the circle to bless my new baby niece that was born last week. But, I look at all of that and also know that I can not go back to the lonely, depressed, desperate person that I was before, looking for hookups in the shadows of Saturday night and feigning righteousness in the pews on Sunday morning. And I just can't accept the deprecation of gay people that goes on every single effing week at church. God loves all his children, not just the ones that fit the perfect Mormon mold.
That's it for this update. See you soon.
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